| I'm hearing a lot of what reminds me of my DD (10). I feel she has some behaviors that would probably classify her in the Asperger's category - but I'm not big on labels.
Is your DD showing any signs of puberty? We've noticed a drastic change in our DD as soon as we noticed the 'physical' signs. Big mood swings. Very argumentative. Little cooperation. Alternating with a few weeks of clinginess and crying over the littlest decision. Couple all that with sensory processing/behavior disorders and you've got a ticking time bomb! But all this is a normal and natural part of the rising hormone levels our girls are experiencing right now.
You might want to try simply allowing your DD her mood swings; inviting her to participate in your family planning as she feels comfortable doing and not making her feel wrong if she doesn't. Let her know she's a loved and valued member of the family - even if she's feeling out of control right now.
My DD just started her swim lessons last week; she always puts up a big fight before anything new or any time she has to be out in a class situation - but once she got there, she couldn't wait to go back each day. The routine of getting ready for class, driving to the pool, collecting things to go home, snack waiting, etc. helps get her mind in the right frame.
Maybe adding some other routines to your DD daily life will help.
I know sometimes Asperger/autistic/gifted kids have a high sense of fairness in interactions. You might want to make it clear that her surly behavior is not acceptable if it interferes with other members of the family. We tell our DDs, "You are allowed to feel however you want, but you have no right to make the rest of us miserable or ruin what we're doing."
Just some thought and ideas...    |