A neighbour problem, any advice, pixies or anything, please help Updated 20th July About This Page:

[BritDisFan]

We have had a couple of problems with our next door neighbour and it's really upsetting me, Allan is upset too. It's quite a long story so sorry about this guys.

We live in a semi detached house, our neighbours moved in about a year ago, they are retired and I think are about 68-72 years old. Two days after they moved in my Dad came to visit and parked outside our house in the road, which is public parking, John accosted my Dad and asked what the he** he was doing parking there! My Dad calmly replied that he was visiting his daughter who lived next door. When I opened the front door my Dad had a red face and was very angry, he said he had to walk away to avoid a confrontation but knew we had to live there so didn't want to start an argument. We share a fence and when they moved in they decided that they didn't like the trees on our side of the fence. To be honest I really liked them because they provided privicy but Allan didn't want to upset them and agreed that they could be cut down. They knew the trees were there when they purchased the house but basically wore Allan down until he agreed. We both agree that our garden looks completely sparse and a very ugly modern fence has been erected.

About two weeks before the wedding, we both came home from work to discover scaffolding completely covering next doors house and also a large amount of scaffolding in our front garden in order for some guttering work to be carried out on next doors house. We thought it was very rude that they hadn't even popped round to mention that we were going to have lots of scaffolding in our garden let alone to be asked if we minded if our garden was used. We decided not to say anything in order to try and keep the peace.

About half an hour later, we had a knock at the door, it was a representative from the company who was completing the guttering work on John's house and he asked if we would be interested in a quote too. Allan agreed we would be interested and stepped outside with the man whilst he explained and pointed out the new guttering that was being installed next door. Whilst they were talking, Allan noticed that our guttering had been roughly cut and was not wealded properly with the guttering next door causing it to leak, he pointed this out to the guy and he said he was a salesman but he would speak to his colleagues tommorrow and they would rectify the problem. Allan went to the back of our house to check if that had the same problem it had! Next thing, John next door flung open, his upstairs window and asked Allan what his (insert extremely nasty word here)problem was! Allan calmly explained that it was leaking and he was worried that both our houses would suffer from leaks when it rained heavily. Insert lots of expletives from the neighbour, I think he thought that Allan had asked an outsider to look at the guttering and didn't realise that it was actually someone from the company he was using, Allan tried to explain but he told us to write him a letter and slammed the window shut.

I was in the garden too and heard all of this, I must admit I'm a really sensitive person and spent about 2 days crying over this. I didn't sleep for a few nights, Allan wrote a really polite letter explaining everything and the next morning John's wife came round to apologise for his behaviour, she said he was drunk and they were used to his grumpyness but not everyone else is.

Fast forward a few weeks, my Dad gave us his car, we share access to our driveway with our neighbours on the other side and they have two cars one is new and very large which causes us both some problems getting on and off our driveway. Allan's old car is still on our drive until we sell it and we knew if we parked my Dad's car on the driveway they would not be able to get in and out.

We spoke to John next door and advised we will be parking on the road outside our house (a public road) just until we manage to sell our other car as if we parked it on our drive Lisa and Neil would not be able to get in and out of their driveway, so as a courtesy to them and to him we just advised him and asked if it was ok (didn't need to ask but was just courtesy), he said 'fine'.

Lisa and Neil had a visitor on Saturday night who parked outside our house which is fine, everyone can park there, so we parked up the road. In the morning John moved his car to slightly block our drive and park outside. When we arrived home last night at 2.00am after helping our friends with computer problems, he was still parked there. He has space for 3 cars on his drive and we know he has parked there to spite us. I know he is allowed to park there because it is a public road but why would he need to he only has one car and there is plenty of room on his drive. He is a very nasty man, if he had a problem he should have spoken to us about it, not pulled a silly childish prank like this.

We had to park our car in another road last night which is about a 5 minute walk from our house. I cried for hours and didn't get to sleep until about 5.30am. I can't believe a grown man can be so mean. We have been nothing but nice to them, sent them Christmas cards and a bottle of wine at Christmas time, we have never received anything back and we don't expect to but we have always been good neighbours. We don't play loud music and are really considerate not to have our TV on too loud in case it disturbs them. I don't want to go home tonight, I'm so unhappy. I know it sounds a bit OTT but I'm so sensitive and can't understand why he would behave like this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Karen x

[JoanW]

I'm sorry you have to deal with nasty neighbors!

However, you two have been more than kind with this jerk, and I think the time has come to stop being considerate with them. If everyone has the right to park on the street, you don't have to ask him! And no more using your garden as a work space. And plant your trees back! Big ones! Oak trees that drop huge acorns and then the squirrels will come!

Or a chestnut tree with those big chestnuts!

Okay, I feel better ranting for you!

[iamgrumpy]

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I'm sorry Karen that he is so mean.

[jimmymac]

Can't help with any advice but he sounds like a very unhappy man who is venting on you folks. Hang in there [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[Belle*]

I'm so sorry Karen. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I hate people like this! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img] I would just do everything you can to avoid him. There is no reason to go out of your way to be nice. And I would be planting my trees back pronto!! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/082502yes_prv.gif[/img] Try not to worry about him - he is obviously a not-so-nice person. I wish I knew more about your laws regarding property , etc. so that I could give you advice on the gutter issue, etc. [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img]

[disneymom9092]

I am so sorry KAren-he sounds like one very unhappy person [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img] [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img]

[poohbear.u.k.]

Sorry to hear you & Allan are having neighbour problems.
I think I would be tempted to contact the CAB (Citizen's advice bureau), explain the situation & see if they can help you with your not so friendly neighbour.
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[TinkerBelz]

Karen - how sad to live to someone so SAD. He must be a lonely bitter person to act so unbecoming. Here's a big [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img] I too am a sensitive person and can't understand why/how people can be so mean and bitter. I hope your situation gets better or that you get to a point that you don't give a hooey about him. They keep telling ME I can get to that point...I'm still waiting! LOL

[LisaJ]

Well, first off, I would have NEVER cut down my OWN trees to please a neighbor, so you need to plant something back RIGHT AWAY (if you want to).

From your post, I gathered the source of all of your problems - ALCOHOL. The man is obviously a drunk, and a mean drunk, and probably doesn't even remember half of what he says to you, which is a good thing I guess.

It sounds to me as if you have been MORE than a good neighbor, and I wouldn't bend over backwards one more bit for this man in the least. And I wouldn't justify it either by saying that you are "keeping the peace", etc. No.

It won't matter if you are kind or not - he will make your life miserable either way, because he is a drunk. Now, I'm not advocating being cruel to the man just because he is a drunk, but I don't see why you are trying to always please him. Give up on it.

And park where you darn well please!

[lauren-roxy]

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[RobDVC]

Give an inch, they'll take a mile. I think what you need to do is start giving back the attitude he's been giving you. Seems to me that he's just trying to see how much he can get away with. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
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[RobinKay6573]

OOoooohhh [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grouphug.gif[/img] how miserable. Maybe Tina can give you some advice. I know she had some nasty neighbors at one point. You two have been MORE then kind to him! Maybe you could talk to his wife? Although that might make it worse.

Would you like to barrow Belle? If you keep saying "hello" or "goodbye" over and over she will bark her head off! [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Huntermom]

I have a couple of ideas although neither may work.

The first is that the wife sounds like a half way decent person, who's dealing with a husband with some alcohol problems. You may want to try to work with her. I'd also put a bug in her ear that maybe the husband has a physical problem and she should talk to their doctor. If he's seventy and been drinking, it may not be all alcohol but a combination of drinking present, drinking past, and aging arteries.

I'd also speak with your local police to see if they can give you some advice and whether they'd be willing to have a pleasant chat with your neighbor-not telling him he's in trouble, but letting him know that there may be better ways to handle things and also ask him if they can be of assistance so that this doesn't get out of hand.

It's horrible that he makes you so upset and it sounds like he's really taking the peace we all should have in our own homes away from you. He may also be one of those bullies who enjoy seeing others upset so if you can, ignore him. He may give up if he sees there is no reaction from you. Y

I wish you well. We had neighbors who had geese, chickens and a rooster, who would attack my children when they were toddlers. We had no ordinance about loose fowl so there wasn't much we could so, but they eventually moved.

Diane

[mom2my4dwarfs]

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Karen I am so sorry that this man is putting your through this.

[DrDolphin]

Lots of [img]/ubb/images/graemlins/fairy2.gif[/img] Karen!!!