How do you teach them responsibility... About This Page:

[minemoz1]

when they never had to be responsible. My niece and nephew have been babied by mom. We tell them to do things, turn lights off, computers off, pick up after themselves, but they just don't. My niece kept on turning the heat up (we have a programable thermastat). I told her not to go past 72. Yesterday, it was on 75 all day. Ended up putting a note on the thermastat that if we found it above 72 again, their allowance for the week would be used to help pay the heating bill. Told my nephew to turn off my computer--found it on this morning after he went to school. Took the power cord and left a note that because they were warned what would happen if they didn't turn it off. They wouldn't be able to use it until I came home. I feel like a meany but they just don't listen/care.

DH came home the other day to find my SIL and niece cuddling on the couch whispering to each other. I'm sorry, it might be just me, but I just don't find that normal behavior for a 15, almost 16, year old and 35 year old. She just wants to be their friend and have us be the bad guys (I really don't care as, from what I remember, that's what's parents do/are at this age.) I fear for what kind of people they will be when they grow up.

[Lemap760]

I think you're doing the right thing. I've "thrown away" many of DS's toys because he wouldn't pick them up. They are really put away in the garage but he doesn't know that. Now all it takes is the threat and he picks up after himself.

[lauren-roxy]

[MontiMouse]

[Colexis Mom]

[HiddenMickey]

Even kids who are basically responsible most of the time.....have a hard time doing the things you've asked, consistantly. My DD is awful about picking things up, they both leave lights burning or the tv on when they leave a room to do something else occasionally, and we've also found the computer on when it was supposed to be off. Just keep at it, you are doing the right thing.

Taking away priveledges is one method of behaviour modification, but you could also try rewards. Say if they go three days following all the rules, you'll take them out for ice cream treats or buy a book they've wanted, or something. Then as they get better, you can space out the rewards to 5 days, a week, etc.... Eventually, they'll be doing it without thinking. At least that's the thought.

As far as the thermostat....no kid should have control of those, ever. If they don't pay the bills, they don't get a choice in the temps. (We keep ours at 68 in the winter.) You can get a cover for the thermostat (plexiglass thing that you lock over it...like in office buildings) if necessary. Make sure you have throw blankets around for when people are sitting and remind them that they can throw on a sweatshirt if they get cold.


You and your DH are just the best! Don't get too down....you are doing an awesome thing for those kids!

[Chrissi]

[GATechGal]

If you use powerful dicipline, it really shouldn't take very many times before kids realize that you are serious and they stop breaking the rules. Now it may be a bit more difficult since Mom is still there and may be subverting your efforts when it is, in fact, SHE that should be diciplining. Good luck. PM me if you need any "Mean Mommy" ideas.

[Disney_Scarlett]

[Jookiba]

You're doing a good job-stick with it. Something that grates on my nerves are parents that want to be "friends" and not parents. Yes you love your kids and want to get along with them but there has to be rules or they will grow into adults who think the world revolves around them.

I've done the same things you're doing. Taking allowances, priviledges, etc. are some of the best methods. Another thing my kids hate is when they goof up then it is THEM cleaning toilets, sinks, etc. They have regular chores, granted, but they get EXTRA stuff piled on when they don't clean up after themselves, leave their stuff out, etc.

One of my biggest pet peeves is leaving lights on, or the computer/TV on. Taking away allowance has helped, but sometimes it's a continuous battle.

One thing I keep remembering is I was just like them at their ages-my room used to look like WWII. I keep a pretty clean house.....so I turned out okay, at least I like to think so!

[lukeandbrookesmom]

We are PARENTS first, friends next! You are doing the right thing. Similar to Pam I tell my kids if they don't take care of/respect their things I will take them to a child that will. Most of the time it works - all I have to do is give a little stare to something left on the floor and swooooooooosh - it's put away in seconds You can send them our house here in NE where I believe in putting clothes on in the winter. Our thermostat is set at 66 when we are at home and 58 at night!

[Suzie]

I am the irresponsible one at our house. My son turns the thermostat down to 68 and I come home and turn it up to 70.
Suzie

[DrDolphin]

[iamgrumpy]