Anyone married to a "Disney Downer"? About This Page:

[travismom]

DH *used* to be that bad. After every trip he would always say, "Do you know how much money we spent...!!!" On our last trip in December, it was just going to be me and Travis (DS). Terry said he didn't want to go because he couldn't afford it. (The man makes enough money!) So, I told him that I was going with Travis in December, I was paying for it myself, it wouldn't cost him a dime and if he wanted to go with us, he could. Needless to say, he ended up going on the trip, paying his own way.
Before one trip, he sounded just like your DH. I told him I would rather go without him and have a good time with my son than for him to come, be miserable and make us all miserable. It wouldn't be a family trip with him not there, but I was making "family" memories and I wanted good memories for my son. (I've learned in life if I don't speak my mind at the right time, I lose out.)

Good Luck on whatever you choose to do!!!

[my2girls]

My DH is not a downer on Disney. Like DawnDenise says, he just wants it in moderation. I have a tough time talking him into one trip per year. If I had my way, and more $$ of course, I would be going every 6 months.

[graygables]

I leave mine at home most of the time. He's happy, I'm happy. He'd never had a "family vacation" until he met me, anyway, and he's a homebody, so it works for us. I also told him that if I had to have an "off year" for Disney, he had to have one for football. I don't have any off years.

[korki-rad]

Thank you all so much for your input. I wish I knew what was wrong with DH. Unfortunately, I can't compare this to past vacations, because this is our first true family vacation. We travel to see family, but we've never gone anywhere just for the sake of going. Even our past trip together to WDW was for a wedding.

DH went to WDW nearly every year as a child -- he grew up in South Carolina and his family tried to go as often as possible. We had a good time (I thought) when we went to the Disney wedding several years ago, but because DH was busy being a best man, we didn't have a lot of time to do things together. Ever since, we've talked about how nice it would be to go back and do things on our own.

I talked to DH about doing the Richard Petty Driving Experience, but he is beyond Pooh-sized...he is Sully-sized, and while he *really* wants to do it, he doesn't think he'll fit in the cars. And he is too big for the Segway tours. He's excited about Test Track because we didn't get to do that last time, but beyond that, doesn't care about anything else. He doesn't golf or fish. He likes boats, so I booked a Wishes cruise, but he thinks that is a waste of money and wants me to cancel it. (His mother has offered to pay for it, so it's not even that it's a waste of OUR money.)

I guess I'm just going to have to leave him behind. I probably can't leave him in Nebraska, but I will leave him in the hotel if I have to.

[Caldercup]

I hope this doesn't sound judgemental, as it's only my opinion based upon the information you've presented.... so take it with a grain of salt, okay?!

I agree that it seems likely that something else is going on.

The way you've described his actions and the things he's saying make it seem very passive-agressive to me.

• Does he resent the time and energy you've spent planning and perfecting this vacation?
• Would he prefer some "alone" time with you -- something sharing a resort room with your kids wouldn't allow?
• Is there some reason that Disney rubs him the wrong way?
• Is there some place he's always wanted to go and trips to Disney don't allow for him to go there?

My husband is a big fan of traveling, but only mildly interested in Disney. (He likes it, he'd just prefer us to see *many* other places too!)

I just had a good heart-to-heart with him and explained my reasons why Disney was important to me and what my fears and concerns about traveling to other places has been in recent years. We got it all out in the open and really "heard" each other. In our case, we decided that I could continue going to Disney with our son and with girlfriends, but that I wouldn't drag him along AND I would plan and budget for trips to places he'd enjoy seeing, like Washington D.C., Alaska, Quebec, etc.

Getting it all out was a big relief to both of us.
Eileen

PS - I just saw your post about your DH being "Sully-sized" and it made a little light go off in my head. Could he be concerned that his size will keep him off the rides? I know that worried me my first trip and I've always found that Disney's rides accomodate the larger guests very easily. You might want to attract his attention to the "sticky" thread called "Too Big for the Rides?" It might settle his fears.... (if that's what's causing his angst.)

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Maybe he just wants a trip where he can relax? Is his job stressful? Maybe just hanging out by the pool and doing some people watching would be the 'ideal' spot for him. If he'd really like to try the Richard Petty thing why not call and look into it regarding his size - who knows, it may work! I'm optomistic that something will make him want to go - we just need to figure out what it is!

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Great points, too Eileen! Maybe a night out just the two of you if you can swing it would be nice for him.

My DH jokes all the time about going someplace else, too (How about we go to Ohio this year?) What???? Nothing against Ohio but, ummmm - NO!

[scottjs]

There is an interesting question here that someone asked allready!! Is he against Disney? Or is he against spending the money??

As much as I love Disney it is an expensive vacation. Thats why we don't go every year. Maybe your DD would like other things in Florida more? (The Kennedy Space Center? Football/Baseball games??)

Or maybe its one year you and the next year his choice. But if he is gonna fuss all the time I would go without him!!! Life is too short to go without Disney!!!

[Tonichelle]

are you talking about it too much - I know weird thought to come up with on this board... but if he's not all that excited about it -for whatever reason- the more you bring it up the more he's going to get pissy with you

my aunt is teh same way. She drove me NUTS you even say Disney and she tenses. yet it's her favorite vacation spot. go figure.

she hates planning, and says it takes teh magic out of the trip - maybe he's not a planner? (me I plan a trip to the store with lists and walking plans... just to get a couple of items! LOL)

[TheGoof]

You say that he went every year as a kid. Did he enjoy it then?

I know that when I was a kid, I got dragged to the beach every year, and I can't stand the beach. I hate sand in my feet, and well, anywhere else it gets.... you know like in Peanut butter sandwiches.

My DW is not the Disney crazed person that my son and I are. (So it's not just hubbies, ladies... I feel your pain!) But Max and I have gone on several father / son trips because of that. She is coming on our trip in April, and it was her idea. We are trying to do other trips for her as well. We just did a non-disney cruise in August of 07, and last year we did a Philadelphia / Washington museum trip too.

Whatever the issue is, you have to try to find something for him to enjoy, and it is not fair for him to "ruin" it for everyone else, particularly the kids.

Disney can be expesnive, but it is not really any more expensive (at least it does not have to be) then other vacations. I know, because we have done our share of other vacations, and in the end spent just as much.

[Cheriemek]

My DH likes to travel, and while he is impressed with Disney, he would prefer to go to other places. We only get to do a Disney vacation every 3 or 4 years, and do other "more moderate" things in the other years. My DSister and I are starting to plan a trip for 2009 - I haven't mentioned it to DH yet, but I think he'll be ok with it.

[Luvsun]

When our three sons were growing up, my dh wouldn't consider going to WDW because of the cost. Yet...he went to Colorado every fall for two weeks to elk hunt. That was our "family" vacation for a number of years - only the family didn't go. Just dh. Well.....when my parents started going to Florida for the winter, one year I decided that the boys and I needed to take a road trip. So - my friend and her 4 kids, myself and my three sons made a plan. We packed the grocery getter (our station wagon) and drove south to Florida. We spent 10 wonderful days with my parents and that was the first time my three sons experienced the Magic Kingdom! I have never regretted that time and I have never looked back. My dh was very surprised that I did that! And - after being left behind, I think he realized exactly what he was missing. He now goes to WDW - and we have had a number of family vacations over the years.
I think, under the circumstances, I would just leave your dh at home!
I am sorry that you are going through this!

[chezp]

I'm lucky not to have any such problem, but what a horrible situation to be in. Lots of

[JoanW]

We are in a similar yet different situation. Pat loved the trips we've done, but he's a Been There Done That kind of person, and he has no clue that it was just the tip of the iceberg in terms of seeing everything. His favorite part is DME! And he loved the pampering and loved, loved, loved the cruise.

He's also a home body, and would rather stay at home and putter around the house for a week than go to the beach. Good luck with that buddy, we are going to the beach for a week this year.

And he always asks to go other places, but he has never made a suggestion or assisted in any planning. I do it all, and frankly, I get tired of it.

The girls and I go away for "weekends", often without him, because he's just a Debbie Downer when it comes to having fun or vacation. Yet he's miserable while we are gone and every now and then comes along (the PP trip to Connecticut - which he had a very good time, thank you very much).

I've got two vacations this summer and he better cooperate. I asked him thoughts on Massachusettes for August, and he kind of sighed, and when I inquired about what was wrong, he said he was just tired, but deep down I know he's thinking $$$ and time away from home and blah blah blah. My kids are teens, we won't have the family vacays much longer. (Who am I kidding, if I plan it, they will come).

We have had the talk like Eileen and Bob, but her outcomes seems better than mine!

[Jennifer Marx]

I am VERY fortunate to have a partner who is as obsessed with Disney as I am.

I wrote an article a while back on this topic, and I just recently updated it. You may find it helpful:
Disney Downers, Party-Poopers, and Scrooges -- PassPorter.com

One thing I want to note is that some people get "cold feet" before a vacation. Believe it or not, I'm one of them. It's not unusual to hear me say to Dave or my sister, "I'm not sure it's a good idea to go on this trip. Maybe I should just stay home." It's just one of those things. I know to expect it, and I try to ignore my feelings, and everything works out okay once I'm there.