When Are They Adults? About This Page:

[Nimros]

Wow - all your responses have been incredible and have given me lots to think about.

Sometimes I wonder if this would even be an issue if we were 'financially set', so to speak (we're not there yet. ) Then again, even if I had all the money in the world, I would still want my kids to understand the process of being responsible for themselves. (I've seen too many 'generous' parents who have given their kids everything but a good financial background.)

We'll be looking at this year as a transitional period - and let DD concentrate on buying her first car and increasing her income. Then she can gradually take on more responsibility while she's living here at home.

I though it was funny that one of the reasons she chose not to go to college this fall was because she knew she'd have to apply for scholarships/financial aid and student loans. She doesn't want to start out with student-loan debt over her head - yet she has no problem with US having college tuition debt over OUR heads!!

[TheMadonna3]

My parents never expected me to pay for room or food or essential clothing when I was in school and by school I mean high school.

My first job was when I was 15. I made very little money and my parents let me keep it all.

When I turned 17 and wanted a car I still was working. I was required to pay for my own gas and my portion of the car insurance.

When I was 18, nothing changed except my age. Food and rent were still free because my parents wanted me to feel like I always had a home. I always knew where there was a roof and food on the table. Essential clothing was also purchased for me.

In college, I was expected to pay for a little bit of my own expenses (clothes were all on me, I had to get my own car insurance, worked part time for extra money) as my parents got the college bill. My dad made too much money for me to get a lot of financial aid. They sent me an allowance every month for food, but once that was gone, I was on my own. I kept a part time job with just a few hours to make some cash to have on hand. I had to do a lot of clinicals and couldn't really work more than that, but I had a really easy job where I could do my homework while I was at work.

I was not expected to pay my own way until I decided it was time for be to be an adult. My parents let me come to the decision on my own and I made that decision too hastily. I went crawling back home with my tail between my legs and room and food were once again free. The debts I incurred I had to pay, but my parents made sure the payments were made on time.

My parents NEVER asked for money for board or food. The rest was on me. Finally, when I was 24 and married I was ready to leave and I have been fine since. I think letting me choose to venture out on my own helped.

[loobyoxlip]

That is a tough one. My parents asked me to move out when I was 18 b/c I wasn't following the rules (coming home too late,etc.) I moved out for about 6 months but then they let me move back home rent free, and never said another word about rules I still don't get it. I didn't last very long there, though. I just couldn't wait to get away

[oldmom]

There are as many ways to raise kids as there are parents on these boards. We all love our kids and do our best to prepare them to face the world and not be run over by it. My friend's parents let any of the kids move home and they had 6 months to settle in, then they paid money into the family household and had to live by the house rules. My other friend has let her grown son live at home numerous times and he never contributes a thing to the home. No one way is right or wrong. It is what works for us and our kids.

[Tonichelle]

as far as life choices and what not, 18 is when my parents let go of the reins...

that being said they're paying for most of my college (I pay for supplies and books) and I live with my aunt... I have yet to be completely on my own (but I was sheltered in a lot of ways. I hadn't done laundry or dishes until I moved out of the 'rents' house), but I am getting there.

I'm 23 and scared to death of being alone like that lol

[Rainbowy]

Have a great time at the cookout. Family is so important!!

[ilovedisney0_0]

My dad expected me to pay room and board as soon as I graduated from HS, which I always thought was retarded and I will not expect my DD to do so. From the time I entered HS, I worked to pay for my auto, all clothing, all school expenses, school pictures and after school activities - in my opinion, that was enough. I want DD to have a chance to be a kid as long as possible. Reality - responsibility and BILLS - will be hers soon enough!

[poohmaine]

My DD is 19 and as long as she is in school, she won't have to pay rent, or for food or clothes. As soon as she is out of school, she has six months, then she will be expected to contribute if she wants to continue living at home. But I am not talking major money . . . she is after all my daughter!

[DyanKJ130]

Originally Posted by poohmaine

My DD is 19 and as long as she is in school, she won't have to pay rent, or for food or clothes. As soon as she is out of school, she has six months, then she will be expected to contribute if she wants to continue living at home. But I am not talking major money . . . she is after all my daughter!

This is exactly how I feel for our DS who is 15.

[mcc0313]

I have thought alot about this as my oldest has now hit 15. I can't really base a lot on my own childhood becuase I did not live at home since I was about 16 however I also believe that school is a job so I have told my daughter that she needs to have a part time job by 16 (even though she is already doing small jobs now) for her spending money and clothes (I still buy her uniforms for school). When it comes time for college if she stays and goes to school here then I will not charge her rent but she is responsible for her cell phone, clothes, etc. If she goes away then I will help her with traveling expenses so she can visit. Once she is finished with school if she choses to live at home I would charge her a small rent but like others it would go into an account for her and I would not tell her unless she really needs it...

[llgmommy]

I started apying rent when I got a job (16). I did work from the age of 14-16 at a diem store but only made $3.00 an hour 12 hours a week, so needless to say I kept that money. But my parent gave it abck to me when I moved out. It was not a tn like $25 a paycheck but it taught me a lesson. She is old enough to pay a small amount of rent.