Could I have some pixies to help get me through the month? About This Page:

[Briasten]

So, I know I haven't really gotten to know anyone on these boards yet. And, as a result, none of you really know me. I would like to tell you the whole story behind why I could really use some pixies to help me this month. This is normally a very hard subject to talk about, but, I am currently at home alone because DH is at work, and, I just can't control my emotions right now, and, I have no one to talk to. TIA for reading.

In 2005, DH and I got married on July 22. I was slightly dissapointed/mad when my dad's side of the family failed to show up even though they r.s.v.p.'d. My dad told me "something came up" and I dealt with it. After we returned from my honeymoon on August 1, I was told that my cousin had committed suicide on the 21, and, that is why no one was there. My dad didn't have the heart to tell me on my wedding day what had happened. And I understand that.
July 22, 2006, our 1 year anniversary, heartbreak found us again. DH's grandmother (a.k.a. Nana to everyone who met her), passed away. She had been admitted to the hospital earlier in the month. She had been sick for a very long time. She woke up on the 22nd and was very lucid. She was more aware of what was going on then she had been in a very long time. The doctors asked her if she knew what day she was to which she smiled and replied " Why, of course. it is July 22nd. It is my sons birthday and my grandson and his wifes 1 year anniversary." She then proceeded to make sure someone had sent out the cards she had choosen and then said she was tired and wanted to nap. She never woke up.
Last year, DH and I had gone to his familys beach house July 3rd to spend the night to celebrate the 4th the next day. My grandmother had beeen in the hospital for about a week. She was doing well as far as the doctors were concerned and was supposed to be going home soon. I woke up a little after 5 on July 4th, feeling I needed my cell phone. I couldn't explain why, I just needed it. At 8:36 on July 4th, my cell phone rang. My grandmother had passed away at 5:20 am.
I was and still am devastated. I was very close to my gramma and I'm still not sure how to cope with her not being here. As July 4th nears, I am becoming overpowered with sadness and tears which I have somehow managed to supress since her funeral.
Through the year, DH and I have joked about our "Curse of July". And, that, I guess, has been my coping mechinism so far. But, now that July is here, and, the anniversary of my gramma's death is here, I'm honestly afraid of this month. It doesn't help that my grandfather is very sick. Last month, he had a bad fall. He broke a hip and suffered a major heart attack. They were able to revive him. It was discovered at that point that he has a DNR (which he had to temperarily waive because some surgery they had to do to open an artery). In June, I wasn't worried. My grampa is a very stubborn man and we are doing a window dedication later this month for my gramma. But, now that it is July, I'm overcome with anxiety. My chest hurts and I can't breath I get so anxious.

I am requesting some pixies tonight to help me cope with past losses, and to help me cope with what's to come in this month.
My grampa really needs some help this month. Tomorrow especially. I honestly don't know what I am going to do if I loose another loved one this month. I'm still trying to cope with the past three years, I don't think I could take another one.

Once again, thank you guys for reading this. I don't think you understand how much it means to me right now.

[bitterchickey]

Good thoughts with you all

[chelle89]

Just take each day as it comes, good luck!

[rescuesk]

We are here for you!

[lukeandbrookesmom]

Oh you poor thing!! That is a lot of stress for one person to handle. Please, please, please, keep sharing your thoughts here - we will listen or with someone near and dear to you. Keeping it to yourself is the worst thing you can do. My mom died on Thanksgiving over ten years ago and it is always a stressful day for me - friends and family are what get me through it every year! We are always here 24/7

[Joanne929]

I'm sorry you're feeling so blue right now. Sending you many pixies and good thoughts. We are always here to listen!

[Nimros]

[fairestofthemall]

Danielle

[lonereb]

:grouphu g::grouphu g:

[Jookiba]

Sweety, you have my deepest sympathy and warmest condolences.

It's natural for your body to remember things that happened and react accordingly-the anxiety you're feeling is only natural as the anniversary of these things happening is quickly approaching.

It most definitely helps to talk to others about it, and I'm glad you opened up to us a bit to let us know what's going on.

Have you thought about counseling? It could do you a world of good-and you can learn coping mechanisms to deal with your anxiety when it arises.

I wish you well......and am always here to listen......but as an RN I'm also worried and hope that you're not planning on harming yourself. Please feel free to PM if I can help you in any other ways.

[chezp]

[alisonhinsley]

[dejavu]

I'm so sorry July holds so many stressful memories for you. There are caring people everywhere on these boards so share whenever you need to. If you haven't tried one, I would suggest a grief group (if you don't feel inclined towards counseling).

I've had a few traumatic events in December myself. The ultimate being my ill father's disappearance from home Dec. 24th, complete w/search and rescue dogs, heat seeking devices from helicopters, etc. - culminating in him being found dead from hypothermia on Christmas day in the woods near our house. Believe me, I thought I would NEVER recover enough from that grief to function and it was 11 years ago. I eventually found a grief support group through a church - not a religious one though - and it helped me tremendously to find a circle of people going through the same feelings I was experiencing. (My DH was wonderful to me, but could not relate to my loss.) And yes, 11 years later, I still feel tense in December and probably don't look at Christmas quite like everyone else.

I would suggest honoring your grandma's memory on her birthday instead of when she died because I think it helps to focus on the happy memories you had with her instead of the sad ones.

I'm sending pixies for your whole family - that really is a lot to have happen in one month.

[NanaTink]

I can relate, though my rough time is March, and that is my birth month. It's good you are talking about it. Bottling it up is NOT a good thing. Anytime you need support or just a friendly ear (eye), know that there is always someone here on the board! Many many to you, sweetie!

[Shell_of_the_South]

That is a lot to deal with! I don't think you've cursed July though, just coincidence. Don't let that stop you from enjoying the month, especially with an anniversary coming up.