Would you mind if I vented about my SIL? Uggh About This Page:

[Happymommy]

Originally Posted by Teresa

Was her weddin' planned so far in advance that you could have planned your son's birth to interfere with it?? AND - HER son was born after yours. HER son horned into YOUR son's year, not the other way around. Is she mad at all of the other kids who horned in??
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Actually--- I have to be honest. I wrote it in a way that it was confusing. My son was born after her son--- 6 months after. We had been trying for a year (technically before she became pregnant)-- but I had difficulty getting pregnant the second time (I actually wanted my kids very close in age). I actually thought it would be nice to have two cousins so close--- I never imagined it to be a negative thing??? I wasn't thinking about how close my child would be with her child, I was thinking about how close my child would be to my older son (I wanted them to be 1.5 years apart, and they were 2.5 years apart). Once she got pregnant, maybe we should have stopped trying, but then they were going to be over 3 years apart--- and I didn't want that. It's not like they were due the same month-- or even within 2 or 3 months. I didn' t realize that everyone needs their "own year" for celebrations??

And, yeah her wedding was planned far enough in advance for me to avoided getting pregnant, but I didn't see a reason-- they got engaged a month after our wedding (actually my BIL told my DH and his family that he had bought the ring on the day of our wedding-- they had only been dating 3 months so I think it was a bit of a suprised--- good surprise though), so they were engaged 2 years (they picked the same weekend of our wedding for their wedding, just two years later--- we're sept. 12th, they're the 9th). Again, we tried for 3 months to get pregnant with my first son as well, it wasn't an intentional thing for me to be due right around their wedding. But I also wasn't going to put my life on hold to try and get pregnant--- I wasn't even in their wedding, so I really didn't see how my pregnancy would effect it one way or another. I didn't really see it as interfering because I didn't realize my pregnancy would impact their wedding in any way. Joe was doing electrical work on a babies r us, and every day he came home saying he smelled that baby smell, and kept going on about how he wanted a baby. So we decided to try. It had nothing to do with their wedding though. We actually were going to avoid "trying" the next month so that we wouldn't be due on their wedding date--- but 3 weeks/a month before, I didn't even think about it being a problem. My family isn't competitive, so I'm not used to this way of thinking.


I don't feel bad at all about getting pregnant with DS#2 at the same time she was pregnant, I really didn't see an issue with that, and I really wanted siblings close in age--- and I wasn't going to wait any longer, right or wrong, I dont' feel bad.

I do now feel little bad that DS#1 was so close to their wedding, and we probably should have thought that through a little (but then I feel bad to say that because I wouldn't have my son), but I know now how important attention is to them. It's just Joe started getting so excited about wanting a baby, and then I got excited--- and we got sort of in a zone that we wanted a baby so badly, we really didn't think about their wedding. And then, my best friend got engaged, and I was in her wedding (another long engagement)-- she was getting married 6 months after BIL and SIL--- she had been my best friend since I was 4yo, so I knew that if we were going to try, I'd have to have my baby before her wedding so I could fit into the dress that she had picked out right away (was corset like in the middle). Then BIL and SIL got really pissed off when I mentioned that, because I avoided being pregnant for best friend's wedding and not their wedding. But, I wasn't in their wedding, so I didn't need to fit into a dress. It was a mess mess mess. And, that probably was wrong, but I can honestly say it was not done to interfere with their wedding, if Joe hadn't been working on building that babies r us--- I swear we wouldn't have gotten so crazy about having a baby. He said he looked at baby stuff all day long, and all he started thinking about was how much he wanted a baby, and then I knew we couldn't wait too long because of BF's wedding and my dress. We may have been wrong, I understand, but no-one missed their wedding, we were all still there. My parents watched Aidan, it didn't take away from their day at all-- I still don't get it.

[emtpej]

Originally Posted by Happymommy

I feel a little bad that we were so close to their wedding, and we probably should have thought that through a little (but then I feel bad to say that because I wouldn't have my son), it's just Joe started getting so excited about wanting a baby, and then I got excited--- and we got sort of in a zone that we wanted a baby so badly, we really didn't think about their wedding. And, that probably was wrong, but I can honestly say it was not done to interfere with their wedding, if Joe hadn't been working on building that babies r us--- I swear we wouldn't have gotten so crazy about having a baby. He said he looked at baby stuff all day long, and all he started thinking about was how much he wanted a baby.

It still sounds like SIL doesn't have enough other stuff in her life to worry about -- good grief! She needs some hobbies! Sorry for ranting.

[Carousel96]

Glad you have this place to vent.
It's so big of you to take the high road -- it says a lot that your kids are over it already in that you aren't poisoning the well for their relationship with their cousins.
If it wasn't intentional, why make a stink. If it was -- your kids will figure out by themselves where they stand.

[Tricia Davids]

That is uncalled for for sure!!!! Glad you are feeling a little better. You can vent here anytime. That is what we are here for!

[HiddenMickey]

I was pregnant and in one of my sister's weddings. I was also pregnant and in my best friend's wedding. Neither of them made it out to be a problem at all. I just can't see how any sane person could make it out that your pregnancy messed up her wedding. (Maybe she meant everyone was all excited about the grandchild and it overshadowed her big day?....but really, how petty and stupid can you be?....ON her wedding day, she was the focus of activity anyway right?)

I would not keep quiet about it. I would probably have called her right when the kids got home and you realized they hadn't eaten. I would have reminded her how she said she'd to bring them for dinner and that you had expected that she would feed them dinner. That you never ever would have had her own children at your house without enquiring if they needed to eat when they got there at dinnertime. Stand up for yourself and your children. (You don't have to involve other family members....it's between your family and her).

[NanaTink]

Words fail me.
Even if you were 9 1/2 months pregnant at her wedding..what's the big deal? And "horning in" on someone's celebration...how's the fact that they CHOSE to get married just a few days different than your anniversary? Did you say they couldn't get married that weekend because it's "your weekend" ?
What a crock. Sorry, she's a real winner, that one and fine, don't deal with her...but to NOT FEED CHILDREN GRRRRRR!

[Disney 4ever]

I don't understand how a mother can treat other children so badly, and they are HER BROTHER'S CHILDREN also, not just yours!

I also don't understand the "own year" thing. Between my BILs and our families, we had 2 years with 2 cousins graduating, and a year with 3 graduating (2 on the same day). It was great! We had a HUGE HUGE HUGE party for all of them at the same time at one BIL's house. Each had their own cake and table for gifts and pictures (in their school's colors), etc. and we shared the planning and expense of the food evenly. Heck, when 2 of the oldest got married close together, we shared some of the decorations and everything. HELLO! It's called family!

I would have to think twice, then twice more before doing anything for them.

[rescuesk]

Dina, you're a better person then I am. I would open my mouth and not be responsible for what came out.

[Happymommy]

Originally Posted by Disney 4ever

I don't understand how a mother can treat other children so badly, and they are HER BROTHER'S CHILDREN also, not just yours!
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Thanks again guys, I appreciate all of the comments. They're actually her husband's brother's children--- so I guess she's removed enough that she doesn't care?? She's very unsympathetic to Aidan's food allergies. She'll make chocolate for family functions knowing Aidan can't have it, and she'll spread it out on the table so it stares Aidan in the face (there are 4 kids there total, and my MIL always tells her that she (my MIL) will take care of desserts), things like that. I really don't think she really considers them her family, if you know what I mean.

I know many think I should say something, and I agree, and I would say something, but my husband asked me to let it go. It's his brother, so I'm trying to respect my husband's wishes. But I think that's why I needed to vent so badly. The boys had fun while they were there, Danny just started crying when he got home because he was so hungry--- they don't realize what happened (although Aidan might). I told DH that from now on, my kids will only go over there when I'm going there--- for a family function. I made it clear that I'm done trying to be nice to her, and I will no longer go out of my way to be friendly to her. I'd like to say that I won't go out of my way for my niece/nephew--- but I can't do that. My MIL brings them to my house sometimes, and I always try to have cool treats, or DH and I have taken nepehw to chuck e cheese or Ruby's things like that. But, I enjoy that.

[minemoz1]

I would be livid. She's very self-centered.

SSIL has done this to us a few times --and their HER children. They'd come home after a day out with her and start looking for food. Some people are idiots.

[HiddenMickey]

Your last paragraph helps me see why you haven't said anything. You really are a very strong person, to not say anything except to your DH and us. Keep it up!

[mom2twingirlies]

It's unbelievable to me that someone would let children go hungry when they are visiting. (No one would ever leave my house hungry unless that was their choice.) I could even understand it might be an oversite, if not for the timing. Even if my family had already eaten at 5:00 p.m. (as if that would happen?). I would have asked if anyone was hungry. She must have seen they were. If addition, if they were my kids they would have said so - most children will.

I don't understand the whole timing thing with having the children. Who cares what the dates are? Children are a blessing and there is no way to guarantee if you are going to get pregnant and when, so if you want to and you have the opportunity to do so, it shouldn't matter the timing. DH and I were more than 6 years trying to have our girls, so if their birthday conflicted with someone else's plans they can just "go fly a kite".

I can see where you are being considerate of your DH in regards to saying something, but if I were you, I would want to talk to her, now that you have had some time to cool off. Maybe DH would agree if you discussed with him first what you wanted to say. Even if just to point out that they did go hungry (just in case she is totally oblivious) and to discuss with her how unfair she is to take out whatever beef she has with you on the children. I think people who never consider others in their behaviour need to have people around them point it out, or it reinforces their opinion that others should cater to them.

My DH has an aunt that is very hard to get along with and when something upsets her (often the cause is unknown to everyone), she stops talking to everyone. Predictably, everyone starts calling her to ask her what is wrong, how can they fix it etc etc etc. It just feeds her need to be the centre of attention and to get her own way. I say they should tell her that the next time it happens, they won't be calling her - then actually do as they say. It would be a wake up call that she is not the centre of the universe.

I hope it all works out for you.

[eff051102]

Sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut even if DH asked me
not to say anything. I would call her up, tell her that the kids finally got
to eat when they came home no thanks to her and that she better watch
herstep.

[Huntermom]

After I read more of this, I think I might keep quiet. It really sounds like your SIL has too many issues and talking will fall on deaf ears and her behavior won't change. I think the best yiou can do is accept it and like you siad, not have the kids go over there without you.

It's a shame that your sons aren't getting to know their cousins better. Each of my 3 kids has either 2 (my middle child) or three (my other two) counsins born within a year of their births. They thought it was great-they always had plenty of company at family events and the kids would entertain each other for hours.

Diane

[fairestofthemall]

Originally Posted by Happymommy

Oh well. The boys are over it, so I know I need to just get over it too.

I am not over it and it isn't even my kids! I just can not believe she would do that! Poor little guys! I hope that it was a misunderstanding otherwise she should expect a special hot place awaiting her in the afterlife for treating innocent children like that!

Surely, it was a misunderstanding.

Danielle