Promise rings-your thoughts About This Page:

[minemoz1]

My almost 18yr old DNiece has been dating her 1st (19 yr old) BF for 8 months. DH saw them a few weeks ago and DNiece bragged about her Promise Ring. DH had a good line and said it better be a promise to go to college. My SSIL is letting her do whatever she wants again. If she was our daughter, we'd have her give it back until she's either through with school or out on her own. Long term dating is fine but they are both too young to be thinking of marriage. Anyone have any thoughts or advice I can give her from the Aunt perspective?

[simbarel]

I had a sort-of 'promise ring' and also went to college, got married, bought a house, had a baby...all without the guy I was promise-ring'd to. I don't have a teenager but I would recognize that she's calling it a promise ring and not an engagement ring. If it's something that lifts her spirit a bit, I don't see the issue.

[Lumieregirl]

I was usually cynical about them, but my neice got a promise ring, then went to college, and a few years later got an engagement ring, and then got married - all to the same guy. I agree that it is a good sign that it is called a promise ring and seems their expectations are reasonable at this point. If she is going to ditch the college idea BECAUSE of the ring, then that might be an issue. Otherwise, I'd leave it alone for now & let them enjoy for now.

[Lumieregirl]

... and since they are "in love" trying to talk them out of thinking about the possibility of marriage is going to be quite tough, I'd imagine. I was a teenager once, and I knew everything back then

[Teresa]

Generally I feel "Promise Rings" are honestly, a bit stupid. "I promise that maybe sometime in the future, I might promise to marry you."
That being said, I'd look at it more as the traditional "Being pinned" or wearing his class ring. It's just a symbol of their "love". Either they'll be committed to each other and end up with an engagement and then marriage, or they'll call it quits later.
Nothing you say or do will change it either way. May as well just go with the flow and be happy she's found one person she feels she can rely on and be committed to, for however long.

[Tigger71]

Support and encourage her. Don't judge her (her parents can do that when she makes a mistake). Take an interest in keeping the communication light and open. Remember back to that age for yourself...what did you want from the adults around you?

[emilyandlogansmom]

I wouldn't put a whole lot of worry into it. Unless wedding dates are being thrown around, it's really just a gift that makes them feel like grown up's, without a "real" wedding committment. I'm thinking I had 3 of these before I settled down with a real engagement ring and husband. (and only one of those!)

[Ceara's mawmaw]

I agree promise rings these days are like being pinned or getting the guys class ring when I was in school. I wouldn't stress over it too much.

[wvugrrrl]

Originally Posted by simbarel

I had a sort-of 'promise ring' and also went to college, got married, bought a house, had a baby...all without the guy I was promise-ring'd to. I don't have a teenager but I would recognize that she's calling it a promise ring and not an engagement ring. If it's something that lifts her spirit a bit, I don't see the issue.

Same here! I agree 100%!
I think if they want to waste their money on it, they are adults at this point. I don't think there's much else you can do other than roll your eyes and ignore the whole situation. I'm sure it'll either go away, or who knows? Maybe some day they will get married!

[MMMD]

I wouldn't get too upset. It obviously means a lot to the couple.

[Tawnya]

I had a couple of these when in high school and in college and I am now happily married to neither of these guys. I agree with what most are saying on here it is a commitment between them and either they will work out in which case you shoul be happy for her or it wont and you should be there to help her through that. If you want to be a good aunt be there for her and support her in her decisions even if they are different than what you would do because she will remember that and trust you when it really matters and come to you with big things. I think they are young and in love and really if they feel that way you cant change there minds if anything that normally pushes them closer together. Good Luck!

[TMWIlson7196]

Not to be rude here but she is an adult. Just because she got a promise ring doesn't mean she's getting married tomorrow. I don't see what the big deal is.

[BritDisFan]

I've never heard of this before at all, you really do learn something new everyday. As long as she has plans to go to college and is not getting married anytime soon I think I would be ok with it.

[tkm1005]

Originally Posted by TMWIlson7196

Not to be rude here but she is an adult. Just because she got a promise ring doesn't mean she's getting married tomorrow. I don't see what the big deal is.

I also don't see the big deal. I think a promise ring is pretty tame for 2 adults... Now if it was an engagement ring... that would a different story.

[acidreignn]

Originally Posted by TMWIlson7196

Not to be rude here but she is an adult. Just because she got a promise ring doesn't mean she's getting married tomorrow. I don't see what the big deal is.

Truthfully, I imho, it's not your place to tell this young woman and her b/f what your opinion is on this matter. They are young and "in love", and maybe one day they may marry or not. But it is her life and right now he makes her happy. So be happy for them. If they wind up not being together, it is a lesson learned on her part. Think back when you were young, would you listen to another adult, telling you what they think you should do?