I still dislike my brother in law About This Page:

[CinderAbby]

As some of you already know, Lenny had a heart attack last night and when we were in the ER, Lenny wanted his mom to know what was going on. I unfortunately have never had her phone number to call and Lenny doesn't ever remember it since they moved to a new house so I ended up calling my BiL. You've read my complaints about him over the last few years so he was the last person I wanted to talk to but I had to call to get the phone number. So anyway, he answered the phone and I basically told him that Lenny and I were in the ER, Lenny had a heart attack and could he give me their mother's phone number. I guess in his defense, it was probably a shock but then he comes out with the comment "is it serious?" You've got to be kidding me. I just told him we were in an ER and his brother had a heart attack and he wants to know if it was serious? I just said "He had a Heart Attack, it's very serious, can I just have your mother's phone number please so we can call her?" He finally got me the number but then this person, who barely bothers with us the rest of the year, asked what hospital Lenny was in and said he'd head over. I told him not to because at that time, we were told it was a good chance Lenny would be transported to Mass General where he'd had a cardiac catherter done earlier in the day. That never happened but even on a good day, BiL is the last person I want to deal with and in that situation, I did not want him there period. I did finally get him off the phone and I told him we'd keep him up to date, but I actually have no intention of calling him back. I'm leaving that to Lenny. I have to admit though, it's the first time in 13 years that I've talked to BiL on the phone where the conversation (what there was of it) didn't turn to him and all of his problems.

Although I am left wondering what was said in the background when I was on the phone with him. I heard someone in the background ask about the phone call and then I heard "Lenny's in the hospital he had a heart attack." Next I heard extremely loudly "WHAT!!!" BiL repeated about Lenny again, I heard the what again and then BiL started shushing whoever was there and then he must have covered the mouthpiece because I didn't hear anything else after that. I really don't care what they say, especially about me. There is no love lost with me in regards to them.

[Kellymel]

I hope Lenny improves quickly and the situation does too. Sending good thoughts and patience your way!

[HiddenMickey]

As much as he's been a thorn in your side, it does sound like he cares about your brother. Not everyone will drop what they are doing to come see a family member like that.

I hope all goes well for Lenny.

[Disneydiana]

[Huntermom]

I agree with Hidden Mickey. I read this and probably would have responded exactly like your brother in law. I don't think his question about is it serious is out of line. There is a range of "heart attacks" from very mild to death or near death. When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, she had a very mild heart attack while in the ICU for cancer. Had she been anywhere else, probably no one would every had known.

I think you also have a responsibility to follow up with him. You said you would. It doesn't matter what you feel about his brother.

I hope Lenny feels better and maybe this is an opportunity for him to work on having better relationships with his family.

[mechurchlady]

Prayers for Lenny and hugs for you. Focus on the one you love. If I had a sister in a hospital I would be calling every hospital from Bangkok to Nova Scotia and back again. Pray for him that his heart is softened and he realizes his sins and that he has missed out on so much of life because of what he has said and done or not said and done. In life I meet rude people and people who need help in some way so I pray for them. If one does not pray then think of them, engulf them with warm fuzzies and happy thoughts like in Star Wars as in may the Force be with them. Instead of hate you should pity him.

hgus again, sending you empanadas, dole whips, and citrus swirls

[CinderAbby]

Not everyone will drop what they are doing to come see a family member like that.

It was 9 at night when I called. He works days and both kids are grown so really, at that time of night there was nothing keeping him home anyway.

[tkm1005]

I agree. Sounds like there was some genuine concern there. Why doesn't he get points for offering to be with his brother at a difficult time? You should follow up with him. It is his brother.

[CinderAbby]

Can I add here too that this is the same BiL that did not call Lenny when their father had a heart attack? We found out 2 months later when we all got together for dinner one night. It's also the same BiL that back in January when their mother ended up in ICU called our house once, didn't receive and answer and didn't call back at all. I don't think it's concern that has him acting the way he does, I think he's just got nothing better to talk about so what's going on with Lenny will just turn into fodder for the rumor mill. Whenever I've been with them for dinner, when it's not BiL's problems, it's always "did you hear about so and so" and it seems like he relishes in spreading things other people bad times.

Instead of hate you should pity him.

You're 100% right Laurie, I should but for some reason I really find it hard to feel sorry for him. A lot of things going on in his life are of his own doing and he's done nothing I know of to make things different. He stays in the same rut and complains about it instead of doing something about it.

[Huntermom]

Darlene, I remember your complaints about Lenny not knowing what's going on in his family. You also just said Lenny did not know his mother's number. Communication is a two way street. Last time there were suggestions (mine included) that Lenny schedule a time to call his parents on a regular basis. If he didn't know his father had a heart attack for two months, that tells me he wasn't calling his dad and asking him how he was.

I have three grown children, one of whom is 1900 miles away. I know what is going on in his life because I talk to him (and Skype, etc.) I talk to my boys at least once a week, often several times a week. They will usually call me, in part because they have very busy lives and balance a lot. My son in Texas often calls me as he drives into work and I am driving back to the office after teaching a class. When my parents were alive, I called them at least once a week. I would not expect any of my kids to have to relay information about me to the other.

I don't know how old Lenny's parents are but I hope he doesn't lose them without opening up communication.

Most people are neither good or bad, just human. When you only see the negative in them, you miss a lot.

[Tonichelle]

Originally Posted by Huntermom

I agree with Hidden Mickey. I read this and probably would have responded exactly like your brother in law. I don't think his question about is it serious is out of line. There is a range of "heart attacks" from very mild to death or near death. When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, she had a very mild heart attack while in the ICU for cancer. Had she been anywhere else, probably no one would every had known.

I think you also have a responsibility to follow up with him. You said you would. It doesn't matter what you feel about his brother.

I hope Lenny feels better and maybe this is an opportunity for him to work on having better relationships with his family.

When my gmother had her stroke my first response on the phone was "are you kidding me?!" I felt like an idiot the minute it was out of my mouth, but I can completely understand your BiL's reaction.

I have a PitB uncle (dad's younger brother) that I absolutely hate being around/talking to, but I'd never deny him information on his family.

[mechurchlady]

Some people are able to get out of ruts or have strong friends to get them out of ruts. I am blessed to have online people who have helped me grow and get out of my ruts. Your brother in law apparently does not have those kind of people in his life or maybe he has enablers who protect him and encourage him to stay in his situation. Especially now that I am going to WDW I see whiners who complain when all it takes is one little action. Sometimes we expect the problem to go away like sitting under a dripping flower pot when we could slide over a bit and be free of the drip or whip out an umbrella. it is time for you to be the prayer warrior for your brother in law and pray that he gets out of his ruts and changes things.

Last night there was a woman with a herd of toddlers that seemed to be one kid right after another. She would turn them loose in the parking lot then a few minutes later round up the screaming kids and yell at them. I could have called front desk or yelled at her but I pitied her. I wondered what led her to having so many kids without a support group of family and friends helping her. I prayed for her to get help. It takes a strong person to pray for someone like your brother in law and to pity him. And I thank God that I did not end up like that lady with all them kids just as you be thankful that you and Lenny did not end up like your brother in law.

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers and chocolates
how is Lenny doing?
How are you doing?
If you need anything just holler.

[Carousel96]

Originally Posted by Huntermom

I agree with Hidden Mickey. I read this and probably would have responded exactly like your brother in law. I don't think his question about is it serious is out of line. There is a range of "heart attacks" from very mild to death or near death.

I had the same thought. If my SIL called me and said my brother had a heart attack, that's what I'd ask. How else do you know if it's a "he'll-be-going-home-in-the-morning" or a "come-right-now-if-you-want-to-see-him" situation?

And covering up the mouthpiece to talk to folks in the kitchen could have been everything from "be quiet I'm getting answers" to "here's what I know so far." I'd cut him some slack.

[JoanneS]

I'm sorry to hear about Lenny. I hope he has a speedy recovery. I would call your BIL back with an update, just because you're a better person. Don't stoop to your BIL's level. Show him what a caring person does.

I lived in Charlotte, NC for two years and my DMom and DDad didn't call me once, but I called them at least once every one or two weeks just to keep in touch. Now that DDad is alone and about 2 hours away, we speak to each other every Sunday at 7:00pm, even though he can't really hear very well on the phone. Maybe Lenny could set up a time with his Mom to just "check in". It might be a way to mend whatever issues have been going on.

Good luck with everything. Sending pixies your way that everything starts looking up ASAP!

[revral]

Originally Posted by CinderAbby

Can I add here too that this is the same BiL that did not call Lenny when their father had a heart attack? We found out 2 months later when we all got together for dinner one night. It's also the same BiL that back in January when their mother ended up in ICU called our house once, didn't receive and answer and didn't call back at all. I don't think it's concern that has him acting the way he does, I think he's just got nothing better to talk about so what's going on with Lenny will just turn into fodder for the rumor mill. Whenever I've been with them for dinner, when it's not BiL's problems, it's always "did you hear about so and so" and it seems like he relishes in spreading things other people bad times.




You're 100% right Laurie, I should but for some reason I really find it hard to feel sorry for him. A lot of things going on in his life are of his own doing and he's done nothing I know of to make things different. He stays in the same rut and complains about it instead of doing something about it.

I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful but regardless of what Lenny's brother has or hasn't done, does or doesn't do does not mean he shouldn't be kept informed of how his brother is doing. The communication has to start with one of and if you want/expect him to communicate more than you need to communicate more with him. To me keeping him updated on how Lenny is doing is a good opportunity to start the communication.

Originally Posted by Huntermom

Darlene, I remember your complaints about Lenny not knowing what's going on in his family. You also just said Lenny did not know his mother's number. Communication is a two way street. Last time there were suggestions (mine included) that Lenny schedule a time to call his parents on a regular basis. If he didn't know his father had a heart attack for two months, that tells me he wasn't calling his dad and asking him how he was.

I have three grown children, one of whom is 1900 miles away. I know what is going on in his life because I talk to him (and Skype, etc.) I talk to my boys at least once a week, often several times a week. They will usually call me, in part because they have very busy lives and balance a lot. My son in Texas often calls me as he drives into work and I am driving back to the office after teaching a class. When my parents were alive, I called them at least once a week. I would not expect any of my kids to have to relay information about me to the other.

I don't know how old Lenny's parents are but I hope he doesn't lose them without opening up communication.

Most people are neither good or bad, just human. When you only see the negative in them, you miss a lot.

I do agree with Huntermom. Although if Lenny has his parents' new number programmed in to the phone's memory I can understand why he wouldn't have it memorized. My mom & stepdad live in Texas & I'm in Washington state I know what's going on in their lives because I call & talk to my mom (stepdad hates talking on the phone) at least once a week and there's also emails back & forth. You may not like you brother in law but he is family & it's usually the people you expect the least from that give the most when you really need someone which means he may just be the one that steps up to the plate & does whatever he can to help.