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Old 01-04-2013, 02:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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What do you talk about?

This may seem silly, but what do you and your s/o talk about?

We are either talking to the kids, about the kids, or about dh work. When not talking about those things, we sit in silence. Dh is very quiet in nature and I'm not. This presents a problem, hard to have a one sided conversation. He isn't going to open up and offer information I have to ask and pry it out of him. We will be going away (alone) for one night next week and I'm afraid there will be a lot of silence, unless I have a plan. LOL. I need topics stored away so we will have things to talk about.

So, how do you hold daily conversations with your spouse?
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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we talk about books we are reading/have read, the news, plans for the day/week, places we'd like to go, things to do, what to do when we retire,
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Old 01-04-2013, 02:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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We talk about politics or world news a lot
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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We talk about what's happening in the world, both in our area and further afield, family, friends, Disney - pretty much everything.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Do the two of you have any hobbies or sports that you both enjoy (to watch or play)? DH and I talk about soccer a lot, because we are both really into it (watching, not playing). We also reminisce a lot about the places we have gone together and our favorite parts of those trips. We love planning new adventures and talking about where in the world we still really want to go and what we would like to do in those places. My DH is similar to the OP's...he can sit quietly for hours, but if I start on a topic I know interests him (and me, LOL, I'm not talking about Star Wars for anything no matter how much he likes it!) he will open up.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elisa1006 View Post
This may seem silly, but what do you and your s/o talk about?

We are either talking to the kids, about the kids, or about dh work. When not talking about those things, we sit in silence. Dh is very quiet in nature and I'm not. This presents a problem, hard to have a one sided conversation. He isn't going to open up and offer information I have to ask and pry it out of him. We will be going away (alone) for one night next week and I'm afraid there will be a lot of silence, unless I have a plan. LOL. I need topics stored away so we will have things to talk about.

So, how do you hold daily conversations with your spouse?
My DH is really quiet natured also. He doesn't ever say much. He waits until he has something to say before he says anything.

I usually do most of the talking.

He is gone out of town for work for 28 days then home for 14. When he is at work we talk on the phone for several hours a day and sometimes we will just be sitting on the phone not even saying anything.

Sometimes you can get him talking a little bit if you ask him about things he is into, like his Harley.

That's one reason I am not really into long sit down meals because he just doesn't even try to have a conversation. We just sit there or I talk and he just listens.

We had a very quiet trip when we drove to Disney. 12 hours of nobody talking.

If I was someone to talk to I will call my 72 year old dad because he can talk for 4 or 5 hours straight without stopping. It's hard to get him to shut up.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Lots of good suggestions here!

My mom told one of her grandsons: Holding a conversation is like passing a ball around, so you need to return the ball by asking questions, too.

I told my DS17 this, then added: "If you feel like you're playing dodgeball, it's because you're not throwing any of the balls back!" He found that amusing and it helped, some.

He and my DH are introverts and can comfortably sit in a companionable silence, while DS12 and I are extraverts with lots to say, so I do see where you're coming from. (I once sat silent and fumed for over an hour on a car ride over something DH said...come to find out, he didn't even notice!)

My suggestions:
1) Think about other topics, like where/when do you want to retire, what do you picture our life like when the kids go to college/move out, what would you do if you won the lottery, where would you visit given unlimited time & money.

2) Use the opportunity to discuss some of the things that can be hard to bring up: should we have a will; do you want burial or cremation; where would you like to be buried? (Make sure he understands this is not a threat that he talk or else!)

3) (this one's for the car) Set up a soundtrack for whatever kind of music system you have or, better yet, get books on CD from the library that you'll both enjoy. Humorous books are a great bet; we love Dave Barry, for instance.

4) Reframe the way you think about this. This may be the best for both of you, for at least some of the time. My DH actually told me, early in our relationship, that he felt really comfortable around me; his silence is a reflection of that, not him withholding, and I bet it's the same for you. Not saying you should spend the whole time sitting and staring at the table, but understand that you don't need to fill all the silences. Maybe think about letting some silences fall as a quiet gift to him...and you can use that time thinking about the next topic to bring up!

Good luck, and I feel for you, girlfriend! I'm sure you'll both have a great time.

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Old 01-04-2013, 06:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Can't relate really since DH and I are so talkative that when we are dining out our food often gets cold because we're too busy chatting.

Since you say your DH is quite comfortable with companionable silence, I'd suggest cutting an agreement with him that you'll respect his preference for silence if he'll agree to spend a certain amount of time talking with you so as to meet both your needs better.

Trying to get him to talk more than he naturally does may satisfy you but irritate him if chatting isn't his cup of tea.

Just a thought...
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Old 01-04-2013, 06:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
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My husband and I talk about various things like our jobs, politics, current events, tv shows we are watching, etc. If, however, he is quiet and I want him to participate, I'll read him an online article about a topic he enjoys (e.g. video games, Star Wars, computers, etc.). He can find plenty to gab about on those topics.

He works in Arlington weekdays and drives home (three hour drive) for three day weekends, so he claims he likes me to read to him while he is driving--he wears his Bluetooth. I read online articles about current events. Sometimes, though, we just sit in silence or we get into arguments because his swears I breathe too loudly into my cell and his Bluetooth picks it up. Whatever!

I would agree that a shared hobby might give you two something to discuss. I just bought my husband a GoPro, so we have been discussing how and when we'll use it such as on hikes, 10ks, theme parks, etc.

Good luck!
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Old 01-04-2013, 06:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I feel for your DH. I'm the quiet one in the relationship. I don't have a problem with sitting in silence. DH and I talk a lot about the kids, the dogs, weather, and work. Do you have any hobbies in common?
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Old 01-04-2013, 07:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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My hubby is not a talker either, I usually talk at him. lol I usually just chat away about work and the books I am reading, he throws in an occasional comment. It does get a bit annoying at times but I guess it is better then never being listened to. Have fun on your night out.
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Old 01-04-2013, 07:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
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We talk about our dreams for the future. We both love to travel, so where we would like to go someday. We talk about what is going on in the world. We try and steer clear of work stuff because its stressful, but sometimes talking about it eases the stress.
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My DH will bring up news articles that he reads (and he reads a lot of them!) and we discuss those. I personally do not care for the news at all but find it a necessary evil, so that works for us. Some times he gets too over heated about things so that becomes a topic all on it's own! You've gotten some good ideas so far. One of my favorites is thinking about places I'd like to travel and talking about "what - if" plans. DH is not so much a fan of that, but he goes along with it. We also discuss things we need to do for projects around the house, grocery shopping, yard projects and other typical mundane stuff like that.
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Old 01-05-2013, 11:02 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Rae is the talkative one between us. Don't get me wrong, I will strike up my conversations; namely work, the kids, plans, news, etc...but she is the one who yaps and yaps. On our drives to Houston and San Antonio, the time flys because we are non-stop in the car. During our trips together, the topics have always been about sports (she is a Spurs fan and I am an Astros fan), music, future trips, our siblings, news, the past (namely my crazy high school and early college days).
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Old 01-05-2013, 02:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
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My dh and I talk at about the same rate. We love to people watch and discuss them, analyse our families (that takes ALOT of time Lol), talk about trips, the news (which I don't watch), even about the existance or non exsistance of Saskquatch...things like that LOL. Throw topics out and see how he feels about them.
I enjoy talking to my dh as long as it isn't him analyzing my skiing or other things, we are basically fine
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