I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!! kinda long About This Page:

[LilMarcieMouse]

My Step Niece was pregnant. Saturday she lost the baby. She was only 5 months pregnant.

I know your thinking how sad and it is for the life that was lost. Now don't dog me on this. My step niece cannot take care of herself let alone a baby. She is 18 and cannot hold down a job. The boyfriend is a jerk and mentally abuses her. But she thinks she loves him.
She would not put it up for adoption and a friend of the family was going to rise it.
So in all this was a good thing IMHO.

At the hospital they let her hold it. They dressed it up and brought it too her. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img]
Then they said it would be good for her to decide what to do. So she had a funeral. We had to go to the Funeral home and there was a casket the size of a shoe box. Then after waiting a Half hour we had to sit and listen the "Father's" Grandfather give a Fire and Brimstone service.( I'm a church goer) Then over to the grave site for 2 minuets. We found out to day it was in the Paper. This is a baby that Never took a breath. She treated it as if I had bin alive and breathing for months. then My SIL sends e-mails out to us and everyone else annoying it. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img]

My Mom lost two before my sister was born and never did any of this. The same way she had. I hope you don't slam me for this but Am I crazy for feel like this was a stupid thing? [img]images/icons/confused.gif[/img]

Sorry it long but I had to get this off my chess.

[Dumbo]

I agree with you. Some people just see things differently. I think I would have had it cremated. That's what my brother and wife did. They do have a memory stone in their flower garden.

[AKLRULZ]

Well Marcie, it is my personal belief that this baby was a human life at the moment of conception. That said, I'm not sure I'd have held a wake and funeral service for the baby - but everyone grieves differently when faced with death. I would suspect that it was very healing to your niece to hold this service.

Please know that I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

[denwol]

I think that in Pennsylvania (I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure) if the miscarried baby was 5 months along, or more, you must bury it. Some family friends of ours were forced to pay for a funeral and buriel costs - very painful ordeal for them. I'm not sure that you would need to have a full funeral service though.

Although it isn't how I would have handled it, if that's what helps her get through it, than I think she should do it. I can't imagine having to deal with something like that...

[Belle*]

Marcie, that is so sad. But I can't say I disagree with your niece. For her, that baby was real - she had felt it move inside her, seen it's picture, probably talked to it. So it's death was as real for her as though the baby had been born alive. It sounds like your step-niece has a hard life and a lot of growing up to do. What a tragic way to have to do some of it. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img]

Sending hugs to you and your family to help you all cope with a difficult situation.

[kimdisneynut]

Hugs and prayers are on the way to you and your family. I agree with everyone this was a life. She was responsible for it for 5 months. She felt the move and heard his/her heart beat. My parents had 1 still born and one child died at the age of 6 hours to lungs not being developed. Both children had a funeral and were buried. The head stone has names on them birthdate and deathdate. The children were alive. In Louisiana we also have both birth and death certificates. I was shocked at this one. We needed this when we closed mom and dad's estate. Since they were named a birth certificate was issued on the still born it said still born. Again hugs and prayers to you and your family during this difficult time.


Kim

[stretch2864]

Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, but I think that your niece was justified in doing what she did. True, this baby was never born alive, but for her this child had been alive for five months within her. Everyone grieves in a different way, but she is mourning the loss of a human being who was with her for five months and also the loss of what might have been. She will never see this child take its first steps or watch this child head off to kindergarten or get to know this child as it grows into an adult. By holding a funeral and acknowledging the birth and death of this child, she is honoring this child the only way she can. From the outside it may seem like a waste of time and money, but this child did exist and the bond between a mother and child is very strong--beginning before birth and transcending even death. Personally, I would support her as she is probably going to encounter a rough road ahead especially if she was having problems in her personal life before her miscarriage. She will be in my thoughts and prayers as well.

[goofy4goofy]

What a sad story. I know it may seem silly to some, but I would have reacted the same way your niece did. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I loved that child inside me. When I saw his little image on the ultrasound at 2 WEEKS, I was so in love I couldn't imagine my life without this baby. Had I miscarried at 5 months (which is a long time into a pregnancy) I think I might have had some serious mental issues. I'm not sure I would have had the whole funeral and all that, but your niece is dealing with this the best way she can. I don't think any of us can say what we would have done unless this actually happened us. I understand that it was a bad situation to begin with, but this was still the loss of your niece's baby....no matter how bad the situation was from the start. I would try to support her the best I could.

You shouldn't feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. You entitled to your own thoughts and emotions. Thankfully, here at Passporter, we're all here waiting and willing to listen or offer advice.

Kelly [img]graemlins/usa.gif[/img]

[HiddenMickey]

Marcie--
I'm sorry this episode has left you feeling wierded-out. But I'm glad you went to the funeral to support your stepniece, even though it did feel wrong to you. I'm sure it meant a lot to her to have her family there for her.
-HiddenMickey

[ILuvDisney]

Marcie, I am so sorry to hear about your step niece's miscarriage. That is so tragic. [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img]

Everyone grieves differently and perhaps your niece got a sense of comfort in being able to say a final goodbye to the infant she carried for 5 months.

My thoughts are with her and your family during this difficult time.

[LuckyPup]

I kinda agree that this may have been the best for the child, as it does sound like your neice has boku issues. However, 5 months is a relatively long time for a pregnancy, and if it makes her feel better to greive this way, than let her. Also, watch out around her due date, as many people get emotional on the day their baby should have been born. Hopefully, she will also learn more about birth control so that she can prevent situations like this later on (with hard choices and difficult outcomes). Sorry if that's a bit tactless, but it does prevent women from having to make the abortion or keep baby choice, and makes them more responsible with their emotional and physical health.