BLINK!!! About This Page:

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by emtpej

yes

It takes practice and discussion with others that understand what you are trying to do. I think the first step is understanding what your possible biases are. I have worked with both a diverse workforce and a diverse population and am still learning...

I wish we could get some cops in here, too...

Hey, aren't you friends with Lizardcop? If anyone has any interesting people who they think might add color to the discussion, PLEASE encourage them to join in.

You are right about the practice and discussion with others. Sometimes someone (usually a college student) is being VERY nice to me and a little too gushy about how great the class is, and I'll just get the feeling that they are trying to work me. I always wonder if that is my own insecurity or if just, perhaps, this is a gushy-type person. If the feeling gets REAL strong, I'll ask if they are trying to get on my good side, and usually you can tell by the reaction that that is exactly what they are trying to do!

[DDuff]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

That is a really fascinating point. Sometimes our "right intuition" gives us a signal, and we decide it must be due to some "wrong belief", so we ignore it or, WORSE, put ourselves even more in harms way! What you had was a right intuition that you decided must be an inconscious prejudice and you could have really made a dangerous situation for yourself.

I think your stuff...baggage...issues...unresoved conflicts...whatever you want to call it can really clog your intuition antennae. I think that is why I believe it is so important to be self-aware and ruthlessly honest with yourself.

Actually in my situation is was definitely baggage - my dad was in a horrible farm accident as a child and was missing most of his right hand and some of the fingers on his left. As his daughter I never even noticed it until playmates commented on it after I started school. This experience has made me overly defensive of those with similar disabilities. I am sure that life experience played a role in coloring my perspective. Self Awareness can obviously be a key to honing these unconscious skills - I'm eager to see what the author's perspective is on this.

[GoofEme]

Hey Sandy, I bought BLINK at B& N today. I am the person who does not always put my best foot forward and I have friends (really good friends, now) who I had known for years but we've only become friends in the last couple of years and they tell me that they thought I was totally different than I really am. I am not all together sure if it was something I did or said or their rush to judgement of me was incorrect.........I don't ask alot after its mentioned, we just laugh and are glad we're close friends now. Anyway I am looking forward to seeing if this will help me discover things that I might use to make me a better person and make better judgements about things that happen around me.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by DDuff

Self Awareness can obviously be a key to honing these unconscious skills - I'm eager to see what the author's perspective is on this.

I once was featured on a cable documentary and when I saw myself, I almost died! It was almost an hour, I think, of me working and being interviewed. I COULD NOT believe that was me! What a dope. What an annoying voice! I also spoke at a few conferences where tapes were sold, and, while that was not as awful as seeing AND hearing, it was still horrible. I think that is why I love writing so much. I still cringe sometimes, but at least I can go back and correct things.

I also have trouble, especially when I lecture at the college, because the students are SO BORED WITH ME! I do crazy things to wake them up or I'll yell "Wake up" and scare them.

I'd love to develop the skills to present better because being self-conscious is a big part of the awkwardness.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by GoofEme

Hey Sandy, I bought BLINK at B& N today. I am the person who does not always put my best foot forward and I have friends (really good friends, now) who I had known for years but we've only become friends in the last couple of years and they tell me that they thought I was totally different than I really am. I am not all together sure if it was something I did or said or their rush to judgement of me was incorrect.........I don't ask alot after its mentioned, we just laugh and are glad we're close friends now. Anyway I am looking forward to seeing if this will help me discover things that I might use to make me a better person and make better judgements about things that happen around me.

I'm so happy you'll be joining us! This is a great book and a great group!

[MBUS]

I was impressed with the part of the book on marriages... can I discuss this yet? Not sure if I am getting ahead of things. I was amazed that they can predict if your marriage would last based on a minute or two! Definitely makes me want to be more cautious of my facial expressions, and be mindful to hear people out and not make a snap judgement.

I also hope the book helps me to start listening more to my intuition. I had a new person come into a group of my friends a couple years ago. She came on strong and organized lots of get togethers. She had a snarky sense of humor, which was fun at first. But we've since seen a mean streak, and some control issues. Another friend said she got a bad feeling immediately about this new woman, and kept her distance. I wish I had.

Beth

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by MBUS

I was impressed with the part of the book on marriages... can I discuss this yet? Not sure if I am getting ahead of things. I was amazed that they can predict if your marriage would last based on a minute or two! Definitely makes me want to be more cautious of my facial expressions, and be mindful to hear people out and not make a snap judgement.

I also hope the book helps me to start listening more to my intuition. I had a new person come into a group of my friends a couple years ago. She came on strong and organized lots of get togethers. She had a snarky sense of humor, which was fun at first. But we've since seen a mean streak, and some control issues. Another friend said she got a bad feeling immediately about this new woman, and kept her distance. I wish I had.

Beth

SURE, you can discuss it! It isn't like there are spoilers in this book.

I found the section on marriage to be fascinating!

The concept of "thin-slicing", or letting the unconscious find the patterns quickly is fascinating!

I have to say, this book sat on my shelf for almost a YEAR. Now I can't imagine why!

[stretch2864]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

I once was featured on a cable documentary and when I saw myself, I almost died! It was almost an hour, I think, of me working and being interviewed. I COULD NOT believe that was me! What a dope. What an annoying voice! I also spoke at a few conferences where tapes were sold, and, while that was not as awful as seeing AND hearing, it was still horrible. I think that is why I love writing so much. I still cringe sometimes, but at least I can go back and correct things.

I also have trouble, especially when I lecture at the college, because the students are SO BORED WITH ME! I do crazy things to wake them up or I'll yell "Wake up" and scare them.

I'd love to develop the skills to present better because being self-conscious is a big part of the awkwardness.

You should consider joining Toastmasters. I've always been nervous about speaking in front of others because I tend to be shy, especially around people I don't know very well. DBF and I joined Toastmasters almost two years ago, and it has helped me immensely in all aspects of speaking and presentations. It is a safe atmosphere in which to try new things. The other members are in the same boat and provide great support and help.

As far as the book, I am enjoying it very much! This is right up my alley since my field of study is psychology and counseling. The concept of thin-slicing is very interesting. I enjoyed the discussion of Gottman and the Four Horsemen. I just learned about this concept in my marriage and family therapy class this spring. I think it is a great place for people to launch off from in analyzing relationships of any type. The author states that "when we leap to a decision or have a hunch, our unconscious is doing what Gottman does. It's sifting through the situation in front of us, throwing out all that irrelevant while we zero in on what really matters." However, I believe that we need to integrate this unconscious process with our conscious processes in order to best serve our interests. We might develop a feeling or hunch about something. This then should kick our conscious processes into gear in order to acquire more facts and information to substantiate or maybe at times disprove those thin slices.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by stretch2864

You should consider joining Toastmasters. I've always been nervous about speaking in front of others because I tend to be shy, especially around people I don't know very well. DBF and I joined Toastmasters almost two years ago, and it has helped me immensely in all aspects of speaking and presentations. It is a safe atmosphere in which to try new things. The other members are in the same boat and provide great support and help.

As far as the book, I am enjoying it very much! This is right up my alley since my field of study is psychology and counseling. The concept of thin-slicing is very interesting. I enjoyed the discussion of Gottman and the Four Horsemen. I just learned about this concept in my marriage and family therapy class this spring. I think it is a great place for people to launch off from in analyzing relationships of any type. The author states that "when we leap to a decision or have a hunch, our unconscious is doing what Gottman does. It's sifting through the situation in front of us, throwing out all that irrelevant while we zero in on what really matters." However, I believe that we need to integrate this unconscious process with our conscious processes in order to best serve our interests. We might develop a feeling or hunch about something. This then should kick our conscious processes into gear in order to acquire more facts and information to substantiate or maybe at times disprove those thin slices.

I actually do a fair amount of public group speaking, but I may look into toast masters, because I want to be calm and centered all the time when I do it!

I've discovered that, when I am passionate about a topic, I'm not so nervous. A few times I presented "over my own head" at levels that I hadn't truly developed expertise, and those times were like a nightmare in my mind, though they seemed to go OK.

Very interesting comments on Gottman.

[DDuff]

I also found the concept of thin-slicing fascinating. I've done a lot of exploration of self over the past few years (probably part of midlife). I can understand how sense of self, both concious and unconcious, can impact our perception of others and how we are perceived. I've been actively practicing meditation for the last couple of years and am already amazed at the changes in how I see myself and others.

The Marriage portion was very interesting to me as well. The concept of whether or not the information could be used to stop "doomed" marriages from the start is especially intriguing to me. I flash back to a favorite film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" Sure it would be great to carve a path through life that is all joy and happiness but would that really be life? I think a better use of our time is in developing the skill set to deal with lifes ups and downs.

[stretch2864]

Originally Posted by DDuff

The Marriage portion was very interesting to me as well. The concept of whether or not the information could be used to stop "doomed" marriages from the start is especially intriguing to me. I flash back to a favorite film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" Sure it would be great to carve a path through life that is all joy and happiness but would that really be life? I think a better use of our time is in developing the skill set to deal with lifes ups and downs.

Very well said!

[MBUS]

I just informed my DH, who is 6'5", that he ought to speak to his manager about being made CEO. Seems he has the height for it!! Seriously, as a "petite" person I was amazed to read just how important height is. I know DH has mentioned there were times when groups he was in at work would need someone to make a decision and they'd often look to him (to his dismay). Very interesting!

Beth

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by DDuff

Sure it would be great to carve a path through life that is all joy and happiness but would that really be life? I think a better use of our time is in developing the skill set to deal with lifes ups and downs.

That is a really good insight! Sometimes I get so caught up in getting my bliss fix, that I resist the natural downs that you HAVE to have! The more attention you give to it, the longer it lasts!

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by MBUS

I just informed my DH, who is 6'5", that he ought to speak to his manager about being made CEO. Seems he has the height for it!! Seriously, as a "petite" person I was amazed to read just how important height is. I know DH has mentioned there were times when groups he was in at work would need someone to make a decision and they'd often look to him (to his dismay). Very interesting!

Beth

Good point! I really had difficulties when I started teaching college and I'd need to be stern with the guys who were seomtimes over a foot taller than I was. I always felt like such a goof when they were standing over me. A very experienced prof. advised me to ask "Please have a seat" and gesture to a chair before I speak to them, so I can stay standing. I have to say, that REALLY made a difference!

Well, I still don't think they listened, BUT I didn't feel like a goof as much!

[Sandra Bostwick]

WHere are you in the reading?

This book is fascinating and FULL of info. Since there are no real spoiler worries in a book like this, I thought it would be best to let the pace flow as it will.

The one thing we have to consider is that, if someone is ahead of everyone else, they may make a comment and get no response because others have not read that part yet. Please don't feel ignored if that happens!

I'll be putting the chapter segments in so people can refer to the author's ideas easily.

I'm finding that, for me, this is a book to read and process. The first chapter is broken into sections, each with very distinctive points.

I was fascinated by Chapter 1, section 2- discussing the sentiment override, and how positive people will interpret something in an empowering way, while negative people will interpret it in a negative way. It works as a buffer that influences their whole world view. WOW!!!

I knew that intuitively, but I'd never heard it put so well.

I've seen so many situations where sabatoge just takes over and, before you know it, the ball is rolling full speed down hill.

I'd LOVE to know why it seems that the negativity bandwagon is so much louder than the one seeking to make things better.

Has anyone out there seen the same trend?