BLINK!!! About This Page:

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by GoofEme

I think of this book when I'm reading the romance novel from the other thread. It seems romance novels are built on a snap decision, the two main characters meet and fall in love (at first sight), but it takes the entire book for them to get together. Of course it would make a very short novel if they went with their first thoughts.

That is a tough one, though! I keep thinking of the situation in this book where the people initially know what they want in speed dating, but when they meet someone they change their priorities to suit what they have.

How do you know if you are just settling? With any choice, people, jobs, homes, situations? What if, without realizing it, you are thinking that any port in a storm is a good choice? It's slim pickin's anyway? Beggars can't be choosers?

(Pardon me, my mind just got boggled)

CHapter five is titled The Right and Wrong Way to ask People What They Want.

Well what is the right way to ask YOURSELF what YOU want???

The study guide asks What if we have a personal investment in a new product or person? Can we separate our emotional involvement from our intutitive judgment? If so, how do we do this?

[Diz]

Originally Posted by emtpej

I am not sure if this is skipping ahead, but I think what can mess up your decision making is not being able read someone's face which leads you to their intentions (mind). That is one of the things that makes working on simulators more difficult for me. But that is part of the intriguing thing about people watching...
Not having enough light to see what was going on caused the police to kill an unarmed man... just like not having enough experience with a patient's culture can cause you to miss important clues to the cause of their problem. You are a kind of detective but have to be ready to see the signs and symptoms. They also need to give you honest feedback in your interaction. I do agree that patients with whom you can communicate with and treat with respect are less likely to complain. That's probably why I have had so few complaints in my career. I think they have only been from family members or others who have gotten in the way of taking care of the patient.

Okay, my thinking is moved to two things you said EJ:

First of course, is the emphasis we place on looking into someone's eyes. I swear, I can read an ocean of material from glancing into a person's eyes! But not my DH. Swoooshh...most things go right over his head. Clueless! It's like being able to read between the lines in email. He just can't. Period. He takes everything literally and does not move from that spot. I read between the lines -- "feeling" their emotions, what they are really trying to say, what is missing that they wanted to say but just couldn't get themselves to type it. Strange. Yeah. But it's something that is inside of me. Learned? By no means, just always been there.

And the other word that pops out from what you said is respect. I think respect is a strong key. It will open up a world of communication and cooperation. No matter how people look...their size...their clothing...their language...the way their home looks...and as we know, the list could go on.

My DD Lucy is 5'2 and 100 lbs when she's wet. When she became a manager at Disney, there were those who looked at her and thought "what is this 16 year old doing as my boss". Of course, she was 22 (still a baby in the business world! ). But when she went into action - they "sized" her up differently. I meet a lot of her cms when I visit and many have told me their first impressions of her and how off-base they were. Lucy has a talent for respecting her cms and gains their respect and action in return. And you said EJ that those you "treat with respect are less likely to complain" and for Lucy, her cm workers and peer reviews are always high marks because instead of complaining - they work it out together with respect.

for the book -- a bad habit of mine when I write! But I truly believe that you can read between the lines even when you are communicating electronically -- and I have seen over and over again how the basic foundation of respect can make a world of difference in personal, clinical and office situations.

[Diz]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

SO TRUE, Erik. I think that is partly why online communication can be so tricky. You can't read faces, tones, or body language.

I was speaking with a colleage about how I'm trying to learn to read between the lines with people online because so much communication will go on there. She kind of huffed that she would never deal with patients online because she can't see them, so doing any type of group online is never going to happen. (She is in the psych, field.)

My thought was that she had her head in the sand, because a HUGE amount of interaction, including clinical interaction, is bound to be online quite soon. I'd rather be a pioneer than the townsperson trying to keep the big road from coming into the villiage!

I can also understand why you get so few complaints. Your way comes across in your posts, and it is just what I'd hope from someone I'd be trusting to keep me alive in a crisis.

Definitely has her head in the sand!

There are already online clinical conferences for students. I recall reading a review...let me go find it...Evaluation of the content and interaction in an on...[Arch Psychiatr Nurs. 2004] - PubMed Result:

Clinical conferences have traditionally been a significant part of the education of psychiatric nurses. With the innovation and increasing popularity of Internet courses, the value of these conferences may be diluted or even lost. This study evaluates an online clinical conference for advanced psychiatric mental health students. The issues raised by students in the conferences were relevant to the objectives of the course. Content analysis of representative conferences indicated that the characteristics of involvement: personal, emotion, and metacognition, and interactivity were evident. Students reported advantages to online discussions, but acknowledged the loss of the greater spontaneity in face-to-face meetings.

And as we all know, there are already informal groups online where people with problems turn. And if you do a search, you can find an online therapist. It's the tip of what will be the iceberg. But unfortunately, it will bring a whole new world of problems. Fake therapists who have absolutely no training, but who hang out their shingle.

But do I think online therapy could work? Yes. I think therapists can read between the lines of a client's response. And of course, there are cameras that can be used to communicate online -- then you have the best of both worlds.

[Diz]

Originally Posted by GoofEme

Have we ever chosen products because of the way the product was marketed to us "the packaging" later to find out the generic was the same or in some cases better? Were we compelled to continue to buy what we thought "looked" better because of the packaging vs quality of product?

Quality wins hands-down for me. When we were first married, I thought DH would "enjoy" shopping together. Big newlywed mistake!!! He went shopping only once. When we were finished I told him - let's not do this again! Why? He never did big family shopping. Sure, he was sent to the store for "this or that" -- specific items; but never with the responsibility of buying the weekly groceries.

So going down the aisles, I'd take a name-brand and he'd say - why not this one, it's cheaper. Or I'd take a generic brand and he'd question that. He was confused. He had no basis for my decision-making. I had experience with the products and their quality.

So packaging of a brand-new product that I've never tried before would (and does ) affect my trying it at least once. But if it's the same type of product I already use, the packaging itself would have a hard sell with me.

[stretch2864]

Originally Posted by GoofEme

I have to admit that I like to buy generic "store brand" but when I am making a dish for the extended family for holidays or taking a dish to a church function, or a funeral, or something, I will buy the pretty "original" brand. I still can't overcome the fact that "I" believe it is the same but someone else might taste the difference. This is on a really simplistic level of what the book is talking about but it is the practical application I can place on some of what Mr. Gladson is talking about.

Originally Posted by Diz

Quality wins hands-down for me. When we were first married, I thought DH would "enjoy" shopping together. Big newlywed mistake!!! He went shopping only once. When we were finished I told him - let's not do this again! Why? He never did big family shopping. Sure, he was sent to the store for "this or that" -- specific items; but never with the responsibility of buying the weekly groceries.

So going down the aisles, I'd take a name-brand and he'd say - why not this one, it's cheaper. Or I'd take a generic brand and he'd question that. He was confused. He had no basis for my decision-making. I had experience with the products and their quality.

So packaging of a brand-new product that I've never tried before would (and does ) affect my trying it at least once. But if it's the same type of product I already use, the packaging itself would have a hard sell with me.

If all things are equal, packaging and/or attractiveness of the product will win out in my book! There is a portion of my brain that is attracted to color. The bolder or brighter something is, the more attracted to it I am. I like to tease DBF when we go to Home Depot by holding up neon colored drills etc. and telling him we should buy that over the boring black version.

We were just talking about this recently. Stores that market their own brands in a bright attractive manner are more likely to catch my attention and make me want to try the generic version. I know that many generics are packaged at the same places as the name brands, so quality shouldn't really be an issue. I remember when I was growing up and the generics came in basic black and white packaging. Even then I was turned off by the lack of color and attractiveness of the packaging.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by stretch2864

I remember when I was growing up and the generics came in basic black and white packaging. Even then I was turned off by the lack of color and attractiveness of the packaging.

I never understood why they did that! Now generics are usually nicely packaged.

[emtpej]

Originally Posted by Diz

But I truly believe that you can read between the lines even when you are communicating electronically -- and I have seen over and over again how the basic foundation of respect can make a world of difference in personal, clinical and office situations.

I agree,
As long as someone is trying to communicate honestly, either online or in person, the content is both what they say as much as what they leave out. But we have to assume that what they do say is what they believe to be the truth.

But online, without visuals, you cannot judge body language, including eye-rolls. You also cannot analyze vocal inflections without sound.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by emtpej

But online, without visuals, you cannot judge body language, including eye-rolls. You also cannot analyze vocal inflections without sound.

And there you have the reason for a whole SLEW of problems with email, message boards, and such! It is just so easy to make a mistake when the information is letters on a screen.

The whole message of BLINK! is the ability to intuitively make decisions in communication.

I just read in Chapter six how the quick wrong interpretation led to Amadou Diallo's death. Diallo's stuttering might have made it seem he wasn't cooperating with the police inquiry. The fact that he may have acted in fear to get away from the strange men might have given the impression that he was running because he had something to hide. His wallet, which he might have been ready to throw to the officers because he thought they were crooks, was mistaken for a gun.

And, in the blink of an eye, so many lives were changed forever. It is hard to even think of it!

[Christine43]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

I just read in Chapter six how the quick wrong interpretation led to Amadou Diallo's death. Diallo's stuttering might have made it seem he wasn't cooperating with the police inquiry. The fact that he may have acted in fear to get away from the strange men might have given the impression that he was running because he had something to hide. His wallet, which he might have been ready to throw to the officers because he thought they were crooks, was mistaken for a gun.

And, in the blink of an eye, so many lives were changed forever. It is hard to even think of it!

Reading this made me sick. This is the sort of example that makes me want to keep my autistic son under lock and key. Granted, he is only twelve but he will be an adult some day and I have terrifed myself imagining what life will be like for him. It is extremely frustrating trying to explain how someone like him reads and interprets others communication and actions and his actions will be equally confusing.

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by Christine43

Reading this made me sick. This is the sort of example that makes me want to keep my autistic son under lock and key. Granted, he is only twelve but he will be an adult some day and I have terrifed myself imagining what life will be like for him. It is extremely frustrating trying to explain how someone like him reads and interprets others communication and actions and his actions will be equally confusing.

I could really feel your pain! A few of the students I work with will always have the potential to look or act in ways that appear unusual or threatening to others. I worry about them when they are grown.

I have a habit of always believing the best of people and always giving people the opportunity to prove themselves. Some people think that is far too optimistic but I'd rather err on the side of giving people a chance.

This may seem like a small thing, but if enough people read books that address this sort of thing, perhaps they will be able to make better choices in that split second.

I became aware of this book during a course on cultural diversity in disaster counseling. The instructor had us do one of the exercises, and she recommended that we read it so we could make better choices when faced with snap decisions.

I know that is has made a BIG difference in bringing some of my assumptions to the surface, at least.

[Sandra Bostwick]

I was backtracking, and I have to ask...Did anyone find the Disney Reference in Chapter Five!!!!????!!!!

I found one study question for chapter six particularly interesting.

Have you ever had a "mind-blind" moment-a moment when conditions are so stressful or confusing that your actions seem to be the result of temporary autism? If mind-blindness occurs at etremem points of arousal, could this explalin why the people "lose their head" in the heat of the moment?

I'm not exactly certain if I'd limit the condition to temporary autism. In ceertain types of stress, my IQ seems to drop about 50 points. Some types of stress make me sharp and very "on", but others make me dull to the point that I can see that I am not thinking clearly or making judgements well.

Some types of stress make me more OCD or the reverse, completely random and scattered. Some types of stress make me shut down emotionally to where I can't feel while others make me acutely aware of my emotions to the point that I can't block them out.

I'd love to hear people's opinions on how stress alters their perceptions.

[Diz]

Originally Posted by Sandra Bostwick

I was backtracking, and I have to ask...Did anyone find the Disney Reference in Chapter Five!!!!????!!!!

Isn't it funny how the main mouse/Disney references pop up all over the place?!

As far as stressful situations, I always find myself frozen for a blink of an eye when one of my Dgang is hurt. At first excessive worry tries to take over, but then in a blink I'm back on track finding an immediate solution. But when it's over, I fully remember that slightest hesitation when it feels like my heart is being ripped apart and I think - what do I do?!

[Sandra Bostwick]

I just finished chapter six and WOW!

First, I want to really thank all those who are participating in the book discussion, because I'm finding this book to be a worthy, but difficult read. The fact that I am in this discussion has helped to push me forward and really study a book that, honestly, might have gotten put away for another year.

Some of the details, particularly the facial expression reading, was very technical, and I've studied all the facial muscles, so it isn't like the words were all new to me.

The violence was, I have to say, not at all pleasant to get through. Especially the very vivid image of poor Amadou Diallo. A good writer makes you feel and see it in your mind, so this must be a VERY good writer.

Does anyone have any thoughts on mind blindness?I found this concept to be particularly interesting and relevent to my life in many ways.

THe author notes two causes for mind blindness:
1: arousal
2: a lack of time

I'm not thrilled with the term autism as he relates to mind blindness. I think that mind-blindness goes much further than misreading social cues or focusing properly on the main point.

The author mentions shut-down once in passing, which I see alot in mind-blindness. I'd add terms like dissociation, cognitive blurring, confusion, and also emotional reactivity.

ALot of the kids that I work with show signs of mind-blindness when you load on lots of demands, like time pressures or noise in the room.

I had quite a few AHA moments in chapter 6.

Who else has finished this chapter?

[Sandra Bostwick]

Originally Posted by Diz

Isn't it funny how the main mouse/Disney references pop up all over the place?!

As far as stressful situations, I always find myself frozen for a blink of an eye when one of my Dgang is hurt. At first excessive worry tries to take over, but then in a blink I'm back on track finding an immediate solution. But when it's over, I fully remember that slightest hesitation when it feels like my heart is being ripped apart and I think - what do I do?!

Yes, it's kind of like a short circuit for a period of time. I know just what you are talking about.

[Sandra Bostwick]

We have as much time as the group would like, but let's move forward to the conclusion this week.

That being said, I have to go sit at Barnes and Noble to read the conclusion because I've misplaced my book! Can someone choose a question from the study guide, or their own question until I get to Barnes and Noble?

Thanks!