An Amazing Journey: Ch. 16 -- Doulas and Don'ts About This Page:

[Jennifer Marx]

Doulas and Don’ts



We decided a few weeks ago that we’d like to hire a doula to assist us during the delivery of baby Alexander. What is a doula? A doula is a woman experienced in childbirth who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during, and just after childbirth. Trained doulas understand the physiology of birth and the emotional needs of a woman in labor. Generally, doulas believe that pregnancy and birth are normal, natural, and healthy processes (like we do) and can be an advocate for our wishes in the delivery room. This includes preparation for birth; helping the laboring woman with encouragement, comfort measures, relaxation techniques, and an objective viewpoint; and support after childbirth, such as help with breastfeeding (very important!). A doula will not replace Dave’s role as the coach, which is paramount (Dave: Oh, the pressure!)– instead she will assist him and provide the voice of experience and advocacy when needed.



So we did some research online and discovered there is a doula training organization right here in Ann Arbor, the Center for the Childbearing Year (center4cby.com). An e-mail to the center netted us the names and contact info for a dozen doulas in Ann Arbor. I quickly fired off e-mails to them, but alas I only heard back from one. So we phoned the rest a couple of weeks ago. Several were already booked—most doulas block the two weeks before and after a woman’s due date to ensure they are available to assist her. We did find two doulas that were available for our due date, and we made interview appointments with each to get to know them. During the interviews we discovered that one had only assisted in 7 births, while the other had attended over 70 births. Being so inexperienced ourselves, we decided we could use someone who had “been there and done that” many times.



So now we have a doula! She’ll meet with us once before the birth in our home to get to know us better and discuss preferences and feelings. Then when I go into labor, we’ll give her a call and she’ll either meet us at our home or at the hospital, depending upon how far along things are. She’ll also visit us at our home after the birth to help with breastfeeding and any other issues we may have. I really think this will help us with the whole birth experience, no matter what it may bring.



In the course of our meeting, the doula mentioned in passing that she needed to meet with someone who’d recently lost her baby. And, as you can guess, this got me thinking about infant loss and all the fears surrounding it. While infant mortality rates are much lower than they were just a generation ago, it still happens… and no one wants it to happen to them, including me. I found myself lying awake that night, obsessing over things I couldn’t control and feeling the fear of losing Alexander. Finally, I had to put my foot down and tell myself that worrying about it wouldn’t help and I just had to let it go. Of course, that fear was quickly followed by the fear of my dying during childbirth. I imagine these fears are pretty normal for pregnant woman, especially at my stage. I did my best to acknowledge my feelings and move on, which I think I have.



I’ve had several prenatal appointments since the last chapter, and I’m delighted to report that I’m doing well. My bloodwork continues to show improvement (the liver enzymes are no longer elevated), my blood pressure is under control, and baby Alexander continues to do well on the non-stress tests. Today we went in for one of those non-stress test to measure his heart rate, but alas it was too early in the day – for an hour we watched and waited while he basically snoozed. Dave even tried a little lecture to my belly on how it was really time for him to wake up – he did stir a bit at Dave’s voice, but promptly went back to sleep. Doesn’t bode well for the future, eh? So the midwife suggested we come back after lunch, when he’d likely be more active (he’s always very quiet in the morning). After a painful blood draw during which I had to lie down because I felt lightheaded and a nice lunch at Noodles & Co., we returned to the office and passed the test with flying colors.



Alas, I’m now at the point where I feel like I just eat, sleep, and go to prenatal appointments, classes, or meetings. I like to be productive, but sitting at my desk is exhausting and is causing terrible upper backaches (presumably from the weight of my belly?). So I have to remind myself that I AM being productive, just in a different way. It’s still quite difficult for me – there’s so much to be done! I know I shouldn’t complain too loudly – things will be changing soon. Today I’m less than three weeks from my due date! And we feel ready – we’ve got an Internet cam setup (behind our firewall) in the nursery so we can keep an eye on him during naps, our birthing ball to help during contractions, and our bags packed and in the car.



When the time comes and we go into labor, we plan to phone one of several of our message board guides who’ve volunteered to spread the word online. We’ll keep you in the loop as best we can!

[DouglasE]

Scary and exciting. Thank you for sharing your stories about this pregnancy. I offer no words of wisdom. How obnoxious would that be - hearing opinions from a single man without children? I think of you often and am wishing you the best. How thrilling to think in a few days we are going to receive the news that there is a new little boy in the world!

[wdwlovers]

Woohoo, another update! Glad to hear all your labs are great and your NST went well. After the morning anyway. I hope you have a fantastic labor and delivery! Sending you lots of good labor vibes too *~*~*~*~*~ Hope you get to hold your little boy soon!

[ilovelilo]

I'm so glad everything's still going well! I hope it continues to--I can't believe it's only three weeks away! I know you all are probably so excited and I'm excited for you! Thanks for keeping us in the loop!

[graygables]

Jennifer,
Those fears are *SO* normal for every pregnant woman to have! I remember the nights standing watching the little chest rise and fall with each breath, tiptoing out, just to sneak back in again to make sure. It was so bad with my last one that we put a bassinet next to the bed, so I could rest between my checks, at least! I also made sure that my life insurance and will were up to date and ready which made me feel like I had at least done something in that department. I also went through the house and made sure DH knew where everything was "just in case".

It has been an amazing journey and I thank you so much for sharing it with us!

Jennifer- you will do great, I just know it! Baby Alexander will be a healthy little guy I am sure. Good luck and thanks for another installment! I just found out I'm pregnant with our 3rd- always an exciting journey!

Robin

[chezp]

Glad to hear it's all going well for you guys - and that the blood pressure is under control and Alexander is doing well. for the big day!

[DopeyGirl]

Looking forward to hearing the good news!!! I will be out of town, but I will be checking here FIRST for the announcement as much as I can!!! We think of you all often and send you pixie dust in hopes of a stress free and relaxing next couple of weeks until baby A makes his entrance!!!

[Colexis Mom]

Sending you lots of pixie during these last few weeks I know how uncomfortable you can be, and all those fears running thru your mind!

Hoping for an uneventful trip up to and including the labor and delivery

My only advice to you is get the rest NOW while you can! Sleep is going to be very elusive in the near future! It's hard not to worry, there is just so much to worry about! It's normal, I think. It's Mother Nature's way to prepare us for the huge task ahead. You'll do great and before you know it, you'll be holding your beautiful son in your arms!

Be ready at a moments notice though! My first born arrived 5 weeks early and my youngest arrived 3 weeks early!

Jennifer and Dave
Hello..I have been thinking of you all lately. Glad to here you are doing so well. Good Luck in the coming weeks, and don't forget to enjoy these last few weeks..if you can!!

Lisa
(Mileese@aol.com)

Jennifer

Good luck in your last three weeks (Here's hoping you don't go late ) You are very prepared and I know you will do just fine. I check the board every day from work so I anxiously await news of the babies arrival.
Kris

[Joanne929]

The last few weeks can be the hardest - just waiting for something to happen! I wish all of you the best and hope you have a great experience with your doula!

Hello and congrats. I have worked as a Labor Massage therapist/Doula for the past 12 years. I echo the fact that a good doula NEVER takes the place of a spouse, rather offers comfort, support (and in my case lots of massage) and encouragement. The fears that you express are normal and universal. I will hold you in my thoughts and heart.

Much Affection,
Dawn Hope

[Skychey]

Congrats to you and Dave! Reading your posts remind me so much of when I was expecting! Wishing you a quick and wonderful delivery! Every "Mom" has worries, gotta love those hormones.