Under the Boardwalk, Cam and Fam'll Be Having Some Fun Updated 6/17 About This Page:

[Ciavobella]

(((Cam))) Last night I had a dream you moved next door to me and I gave you a big hug. Hope we meet one day so I can do it for real.
Karen

[Nala]

Cam, I am so happy that you and Luke are going on with the trip. Stefanie wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know she will be in your hearts and by your side in spirit at each and every step of this bittersweet journey.

I can't think of a better way to honor her memory than to continue on with the trip and share the magic with another special young lady. I know the magic will find all of you.

You all will remain in my thoughs.

[lsugirlinutah]

I don't have much to add to the beautiful thoughts that have already been shared--except, like Karen, I too had a dream that I was staying at your house for some unknown reason! I guess your family has just been on my mind a lot lately!

I remember when I saw your Stefanie at the parks in October 2009. She was in the Tower of Terror gift shop, I guess waiting on you and Luke. She was talking on the phone. It was like I had seen a celebrity! I whispered to my mom, "That's Stefanie!" and she looked at me funny, like what?? I didn't say anything to Stefanie because she was on the phone and also I didn't want to scare her (stranger danger!) but, like everyone else, felt I knew her because of your posts.

I'm so glad that Disney will continue to be a special place for your family, but for yet a different reason. First you and Luke loved it, then you loved it because your baby girl could enjoy it and be herself, and now it will become a place where you can reconnect with her.

Bring lots of waterproof mascara and hold your sweet niece's hand tightly, and appreciate Disney for this next stage. I hope your family finds its "new normal" (which always takes a lot of time).

Thanks so much for continuing this TR, and for sharing your sweet girl with all of us.

[OhToodles!]

Originally Posted by OhToodles!

So great that you're going to introduce your niece to Disney. And I know Stefanie will be smiling down on all of you. I'm sure it will be tough, but also a great way to remember her and all the good times you shared.

Our ADR for La Hacienda is still in place and I hope we can meet your niece.

Continued prayers & !

Just realized I put the wrong place. I believe we have an ADR for Rose & Crown. Silly me!

[lazanya]

I'm happy to hear that you and Luke decided to still proceed with your annual trek back home. Not only would Stefanie still want you to go, but it would be a great way to honor her memory. And I'm sure a little bit of Disney magic can help get through some of the grieving.

I lost my mom in Oct. 2008 and 1 month later I left for my WDW trip. I really wanted to cancel it as I felt that I wouldn't enjoy WDW after losing my mom. But DH had the talk with me and reminded me how my mom would of still wanted me to go. I did enjoy my WDW trip, but also had a few grieving meltdowns along the way. There were a lot of things reminding of my mom at WDW. The hardest for me was going to the Mexican Pavilion at WS as that was a tradition for me to shop for my mom's souvenir from there. Had my grieving meltdown as soon as I got into the market and I had to sit down and let it out. Tim had to talk me through it. He told me that I could still buy a souvenir for my mom even though she's up in heaven. He told me that we could display it in our home in my mom's honor. I followed his advice and ended up buying a beautiful handmade corn husk angel ornament from the market. Every year now, that ornament that's put on our Christmas tree reminds me of that trip and in memory of my mom.

[Cam22]

Originally Posted by mattnkatsmum

Cam, I am delighted that you have decided to continue with your trip. I have been truly humbled by the bravery, fortitude, compassion and overwhelming love that has shone though your remarkable family through this difficult journey.

Stefanie has touched so many people in so many ways - personally, it was the memory of great PassPorter times and wonderful friendships that have encouraged me to come back to the Boards after three years away - and I know that you will gain great comfort from the knowledge that your little lady made such a massive impact on so many.

You are never far from my thoughts.

I'm so glad you are back! Stefanie's huge impact on this world has been an encouragement to both Luke and me.

Originally Posted by njlaura

Your strength is inspiring. I hope you have a lovely trip with your niece.

Originally Posted by thinkpink

Prayers continuing for your sweet family. You do have people caring for you in every state!

Originally Posted by KathyL

So glad you have to decided to go on your trip. May you find find Joy in all the wonderful memories you have from your family trips. As a teacher myself, I wish you all the best for your last few weeks of school.

Good luck with the end of your school year, too!

[Cam22]

Originally Posted by HollyH

Cam, you and Luke have been in my thoughts and prayers often. I am so glad that you have decided to go on your WDW trip in June. I know that is what Stefanie would have wanted. I am so glad that your niece will be able to accompany you and I'm sure that you all will find many ways to spread the magic. What a beautiful way to honor Stefanie's memory.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. Stefanie will definitely be honored in many ways on this trip (and probably every subsequent ones).

Originally Posted by Mileese

Some more pixies, hugs and good wishes to carry you and Luke through the tough times. So nice that you are able to take your niece with you this trip.

I have been trying to find a way to express how much my family and I appreciate you sharing your family, how much Stefanie's spirit has touched us (we have smiled and laughed with you through many a Stefanieism!) as well as the Grace and strength you and Luke continue to show. I am not very good with words, but we are certainly the better for it!

Your words are awesome!

Originally Posted by MosyBliss

I think going on your trip and taking your niece is a wonderful way to honor Stefanie. Just in the bit I have gotten to know her through your trip reports I know she would want you to carry on with the plans she had made...and she will be there, following along and sometimes (well, maybe mostly) leading the way.

I'm sure a whole lot of what we do will be guided by Stefanie.

Originally Posted by benjiboo25

When I read your updates late night I cried more than when I first read of Stephanie's passing. I cannot imagine the intensity of emotions you will be feeling as you walk though the gates with another child. I also understand how that will be an essential part of your healing.

When my father was struck by cancer 6 years ago, we were focused on getting him strong enough to take my son fishing. He passed less than three weeks later. The fishing trip that never was, has become been a powerful emotion for me. Each time we are on a lake fishing with our son, I feel both closer to my dad and grief for his passing. As the years have numbered, I am also feeling more peace and connection with him when in his little fishing boat on a lake.

I understand your comment about waterproof mascara...My grief was not in my control for the longest time. When I thought I had contained it, someone else would bring me there. Working in a school, we are good at putting on the strong face for the sake of our students and colleagues. It also makes it easier knowing how much they need us to be that way.

Thanks for your own story as it shines a light on my own healing!

Originally Posted by debrabrown

Sweet Cam... hope sweet you are still going on your trip and found a way to do it to maybe ease some of the pain you might feel if it was just you and Luke. I'm sure Stef would want you to go and you will definitely feel her presence. I pray those memories will be another step on the road to healing. You are a very special lady!

Originally Posted by kurtholley

Cam and Luke We are glad to see you are still going we hope we can meet you while we all are there. We just feel like we want to give you a huge hug

I would appreciate that huge hug, too!

Originally Posted by luvnwdwgal

Cam, I'm so happy you and Luke are going to continue with your plans to go to WDW. I wondered about it but knew in the end that you would because that is what Stefanie would want you both to do. Afterall, she will be right there with you both.

She will be right there with us!

[Linnynad]

Oh Cam, I'm so happy you and Luke will still be going on this trip. I'm sure your niece will have agreat time with you both, I know there will be some highs and lows during the trip but I am sure Stefanie would have wanted this.
We are thinking of you all often and I will continue to keep sending love, pixies and giant hugs.

[Cam22]

Originally Posted by Luvsun

Of course, I am so very happy that you are still coming to Florida and to WDW!
I believe that Stefanie will be there with you and Luke every step of the way!! In your memories, in the songs you hear, in the sights you see, in the characters both she and you love so dearly. But most importantly, she is always with you, in the center of your heart!
Love you sweet Cam and Luke!
I look forward to being able to spend time with you both and give you big hugs!

I've already decided that I am filling up her autograph book she had wanted so badly and that I finally found for her birthday. I just hope I don't scare any of them if the tears start to fall.

Originally Posted by GoofEme

Originally Posted by Ciavobella

(((Cam))) Last night I had a dream you moved next door to me and I gave you a big hug. Hope we meet one day so I can do it for real.
Karen

Wish I lived closer to a lot of PassPorters!

Originally Posted by Nala

Cam, I am so happy that you and Luke are going on with the trip. Stefanie wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I know she will be in your hearts and by your side in spirit at each and every step of this bittersweet journey.

I can't think of a better way to honor her memory than to continue on with the trip and share the magic with another special young lady. I know the magic will find all of you.

You all will remain in my thoughs.

Originally Posted by lsugirlinutah

I don't have much to add to the beautiful thoughts that have already been shared--except, like Karen, I too had a dream that I was staying at your house for some unknown reason! I guess your family has just been on my mind a lot lately!

I remember when I saw your Stefanie at the parks in October 2009. She was in the Tower of Terror gift shop, I guess waiting on you and Luke. She was talking on the phone. It was like I had seen a celebrity! I whispered to my mom, "That's Stefanie!" and she looked at me funny, like what?? I didn't say anything to Stefanie because she was on the phone and also I didn't want to scare her (stranger danger!) but, like everyone else, felt I knew her because of your posts.

I'm so glad that Disney will continue to be a special place for your family, but for yet a different reason. First you and Luke loved it, then you loved it because your baby girl could enjoy it and be herself, and now it will become a place where you can reconnect with her.

Bring lots of waterproof mascara and hold your sweet niece's hand tightly, and appreciate Disney for this next stage. I hope your family finds its "new normal" (which always takes a lot of time).

Thanks so much for continuing this TR, and for sharing your sweet girl with all of us.

I remembered that story and it put a smile on my face.

Originally Posted by OhToodles!

Just realized I put the wrong place. I believe we have an ADR for Rose & Crown. Silly me!

Kelly, my brain is not trustworthy right now and honestly when I read that I thought it said R&C. I didn't notice until your post now that you had put something else. And we definitely are ready to visit with you all again. In fact, Stefanie had bought little presents for Dylan and Lucas which I am still bringing.

Originally Posted by lazanya

I'm happy to hear that you and Luke decided to still proceed with your annual trek back home. Not only would Stefanie still want you to go, but it would be a great way to honor her memory. And I'm sure a little bit of Disney magic can help get through some of the grieving.

I lost my mom in Oct. 2008 and 1 month later I left for my WDW trip. I really wanted to cancel it as I felt that I wouldn't enjoy WDW after losing my mom. But DH had the talk with me and reminded me how my mom would of still wanted me to go. I did enjoy my WDW trip, but also had a few grieving meltdowns along the way. There were a lot of things reminding of my mom at WDW. The hardest for me was going to the Mexican Pavilion at WS as that was a tradition for me to shop for my mom's souvenir from there. Had my grieving meltdown as soon as I got into the market and I had to sit down and let it out. Tim had to talk me through it. He told me that I could still buy a souvenir for my mom even though she's up in heaven. He told me that we could display it in our home in my mom's honor. I followed his advice and ended up buying a beautiful handmade corn husk angel ornament from the market. Every year now, that ornament that's put on our Christmas tree reminds me of that trip and in memory of my mom.

I've got a feeling you all will hear about some meltdowns in my TR, but I also know we're going to feel the magic. Thanks for sharing as it reminds me that when it happens it's just a part of the process.

[Cam22]

Originally Posted by Linnynad

Oh Cam, I'm so happy you and Luke will still be going on this trip. I'm sure your niece will have agreat time with you both, I know there will be some highs and lows during the trip but I am sure Stefanie would have wanted this.
We are thinking of you all often and I will continue to keep sending love, pixies and giant hugs.

Thanks so much for remembering us!

[OhToodles!]

Originally Posted by Cam22

Kelly, my brain is not trustworthy right now and honestly when I read that I thought it said R&C. I didn't notice until your post now that you had put something else. And we definitely are ready to visit with you all again. In fact, Stefanie had bought little presents for Dylan and Lucas which I am still bringing.

Aw! We had some things for Stefanie which your niece will now get.

[Cam22]

This is copied directly from my Facebook page for today. And there was some Disney planning progress as you will see as you read.


Today was the hardest so far for both Luke and me, but we don't really know why. I kept thinking to myself that a week ago today I was talking to her, holding her, helping her, loving on her, but now I can't do any of that. We're not broken, just bruised up a bit with the missing of her.

I woke up earlier and tried to go back to sleep but gave up a little after 7:00. I totally forgot it was Saturday, which usually means chocolate chip pancakes. None today. I ate my strawberry Pop Tart and checked e-mail and Facebook. By a little after 8:00 Luke was up, too. I eventually started the vacuuming while Luke changed out several door knobs. We always share the vacuuming with Luke doing the carpets (he makes them looks so pretty) and I do the tile since I also mop it. We had gotten hooks yesterday at Home Depot, so for the first time in the 10 years we've lived here, I finally having hanging plants on my porch. The porch was one of the reasons we bought this house. I wanted a rocker, a bench, and hanging and potted plants. It has them all now.

To refuel, we had ham and Swiss cheese on Hawaiian rolls. Then it was time to begin the yard work. We mulched all the flower beds, using 12 bags. We still need about 3 more bags as we didn't have quite enough to finish the flower bed under our kitchen window nor the area around the mailbox. Luke pulled out some dead plants and separated and moved some of the hostas. He planted a tulip poplar in our backyard right between our two bedroom windows. Our niece and nephew brought it to us yesterday. Another niece brought us the prettiest pink flowers today that we are going to put beside the mailbox since these like full sun.

I'm pretty sure we are both going to be so sore tomorrow from lifting bags of mulch, kneeling, stooping, digging, pulling, sweeping, lugging, and sweating. The yard and porch are beautiful! Stefanie would have given us a thumbs up. In fact, I talked a bit to her and God today throughout all the work. I missed her and it seemed fitting to tell God how I felt and then just tell Stefanie what I wished she was here to hear.

Back inside I sorted through all my grading, managing to get all the vocabulary grades figured up and entered in the grade book. I have several stacks of projects and essays to grade. And I also need to read over the chapters my seniors were assigned in Tuesdays with Morrie. Maybe I'll get to these tomorrow or maybe I'll take one more day off before the real world grabs a hold of me again.

Luke and I have been wearing lots of Disney clothing for quite a while and haven't stopped yet. Work will change that on Monday, but for now it reminds us of her. He wore a Mickey t-shirt and I had on my Tink t-shirt plus my Tink Awatch and Stefanie's Tink earrings. They will always be hers. I'm just borrowing them.

We usually attend church on Saturday nights, and tonight was no exception, though it had been a month since we could go because of Stefanie's illness. Lots of good hugs tonight! Luke's sister and brother-in-law came, too. We invited them to dinner at Beef O'Brady's and they even paid. I told them as we headed to out that I felt I had pulled a Stefanie. I invited them to dinner and got them to pay. My niece stopped by to visit with her two boys and they both are so adorable you can't help but smile. Family and friends made it a very nice evening.

As we were driving away, I asked Luke if we could go to Shoe Stop. I have a shoe addiction and I also had a coupon. He agreed to go and said, "Maybe tonight I'll find my shoes for Disney." I can't remember if I've mentioned it already or not, but we all three get new shoes for Disney. Stefanie bought hers with her birthday money, but Luke had looked a couple of times and still not found any he wanted. Even in the hospital, Stefanie had reminded him he still needed to get new shoes for Disney. We split up in the store. I found only one pair I was interested in, but didn't know if I wanted to try them on or not. So I rejoined Luke who had found several pairs of Brooks that he thought he liked. So he sat down and a very nice clerk began helping him figure out which of the ones he liked would be best for walking all day in Disney. I tried on the Brooks I had liked, too. We agreed they are some of the most comfortable athletic shoes either one of us has ever had on. In the end I got the Trance 11 for women and Luke got it for me plus the Glycerin for men. Stefanie would have been elated that Daddy bought 2 pairs of shoes at once specifically for Disney. And somehow that made a hard day less hard.

Now we're watching the NASCAR race Luke recorded and "laxing."

Pictures of some of our flowers.



This is a wreath we were given with Tinker Bell colors. Luke added the Tinker Bell from the spray we had for her casket.



From a dear niece and nephew.



From a group of my students! Sweethearts!



One of my new hanging basket plants.



From the salon where Stefanie and I got our nails and hair done.



Coolest garden stone from the school where I work!




My other hanging basket



A side note: Today was our local Special Olympics and you may have noticed from another post on my timeline, that a Tinker Bell balloon was launched in honor of Stefanie. Luke and I just could not go, though that was one of my conversation with God and Stefanie today.

[lauriep]

Sleep is a hard thing when you're in the midst of a deep grief. I remember when I was in that place and hardly slept at all. I was afraid to sleep-- not because of bad dreams, but because it was so awful waking to reality. I wish I could tell you that the grief has an end, because it doesn't. But you do get more used to it. The new normal.

Your flowers are all so beautiful and I'm sure you'll be sore tomorrow from all the work. I did smile when you said when Stefanie was in the hospital she reminded Luke about shoes for Disney. I'm sure whenever you put something on your "to do" list you'll hear her voice telling you not to forget.

[shnewell]

The flowers are all beautiful! I wish I had some words that would magically make all the pain go away.

[Nimros]

Your flowers are gorgeous!! I can imagine you all will have the prettiest house on the block.

I love the idea of 'borrowing' Stefanie's earrings - you will be a good caretaker for them.

We were actually just thinking about the Special Olympics today and remembering the video you shared with us (was it last year?) of Stefanie's event. I loved that!