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Old 08-19-2015, 01:26 PM   #31
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SO happy to see you writing a PTR. I know you need and will enjoy this trip.
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Old 08-19-2015, 03:08 PM   #32
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Great start, Jessica! Glad to hear things are going better for all of you!
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Old 08-20-2015, 07:32 PM   #33
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Great start Jessica! I totally know what you mean about the universe *sigh* I feel like I have been there too a few too many times. But, I am so glad to hear things are going well for you guys now.
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Old 08-25-2015, 05:08 PM   #34
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Awesome!! I am so happy life is turning around for you! Ready to read all about your planning and your trip! Your girls are so stinking cute too!
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Old 09-13-2015, 05:18 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by stardust190 View Post
So glad to hear you're going back! Such cute little girls you have there.
Thank you! I'm rather partial to them myself. You have two little cuties yourself. I can't believe how big they're getting!

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Wonderful start! I'm so happy things are looking up, believe me I know how hard life blows can be, DH just received a job offer after six and a half months of unemployment. I also have to say, you hooked me with your daughter's names...my brother's two girls are named exactly the same, spelling too, only his Briana is 16 and his Chelsea is 14. Looking forward to hearing the rest of your report!
First of all, congratulations on the job offer! Unemployment is so frightening. Especially for a family like mine, where we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. That's why we book our trips so far out, so that we can make small payments and then pay off the majority of it with our tax return. Secondly, I LOVE that someone else has two girls with the same names as mine! Does Briana pronounce her name BriAHna or BriANNa? Mine is an "ah." I'm trying to teach her to say "Briana like 'fauna' not Brianna like 'banana.'" Mostly she just giggles at me at this point.

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Fantastic start! You guys truly deserve this trip after everything you have been through Can't wait to hear more!
Thank you! I'll have an update soon.

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SO happy to see you writing a PTR. I know you need and will enjoy this trip.
Thank you so much!

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Great start, Jessica! Glad to hear things are going better for all of you!
Thank you.

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Great start Jessica! I totally know what you mean about the universe *sigh* I feel like I have been there too a few too many times. But, I am so glad to hear things are going well for you guys now.
Thank you. I'm sorry to hear that you know what I mean about the universe. But getting through the rough times makes us appreciate the good times even more I suppose.

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Awesome!! I am so happy life is turning around for you! Ready to read all about your planning and your trip! Your girls are so stinking cute too!
Thank you so much, on all counts.
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Old 09-13-2015, 05:55 PM   #36
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Well, guys.

I'm stressed out.

And this whole post is one gigantic overshare. But I can't share it on Facebook, and I really, really, really feel the need to share it somewhere.

It is not a happy post. It has nothing to do with Disney.

I am going to share it and then I will try to post a happy post later. Please feel free to skip this if you aren't in the mood for sad. Some people may actually be quite upset about it, and if the moderators need me to take it down I will.

Mostly, I'm just hoping for the biggest load of pixies ever.

I had planned on having another happy post up here soon, with some more planning details and excitement. Instead, I get to post this.

I thought David was stable. His bipolar disorder makes for some interesting mood shifts, but for the most part, he was doing better. He'd been going to work every day and talking about how much he loves his new job and talking about being excited for Disney World.

And then, in the last weekend in August, I noticed a definite "downward" swing. I tried to help him get on top of it. We talked a lot and I did my best to encourage him and remind him of positive things happening in our lives, and talk about the girls a lot, and I thought he was okay. I thought we had gotten past the rough couple of days and that everything would be fine.

And then, Monday morning rolled around and he woke me up and told me he was struggling, and I got up and we were talking and he just...fell apart. I got scared. The last time I had seen him fall apart like that was the start of him not working and sort of the trigger of all of the problems we have overcome in the past two years.

Luckily, his boss was understanding when I called him and explained that David couldn't come in. I told him he would be back the next day, more out of a desperate hope than any actual conviction. And then I got on the phone and made a bunch of appointments for David and convinced him to come back to bed with me until the girls woke up.

The rest of the day was spent with me trying to build him up and spending time at his mom's house and trying to get him to engage. By the end of the day he said he would go to work the next day and that he was feeling better.

And then the next morning he woke me up and said, "I was going to kill myself." He then told me how (I won't share that here), and then said "But I thought of the girls."

It was then that I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do in our marriage. Instead of starting to cry, taking him in my arms, and telling him everything was going to be okay...I put on a mask. I hid how scared I was and went into drill sergeant mode. I made him wash his face, finish getting ready for work, and called his mom to give him a ride since I didn't want him driving. His therapist had told me the day before to not let him stew. And since if he stayed home I knew that's exactly what he'd do, I went against every instinct in my body to keep him home where I could watch him, and I sent him to work. After he left, I sat on the floor and cried for an hour.

Then I called his therapist and cried some more. He told me I'd done the right thing and scheduled David for an emergency appointment that evening.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of therapy appointments, medication adjustments, and wearing this mask all day, every day, so that he won't try to hide how he's feeling from me. And if he knew half of how scared I was, he would just hide everything until the next time he lost it.

He went to work three days that week and then his boss told him to take a week off. He's supposed to go back on Tuesday. I'm so scared that he won't. I am so scared that this is the start of another two years of struggling. I am so scared of losing him.

His therapist says it was "a cry for help" more than an actual attempt, but whatever it was, it was terrifying. I'm shaken. If I couldn't even see how depressed he was when he was that close to committing suicide, how am I supposed to accurately gauge how well (or not well) he is?

SO. Here's what I'm asking all of you for. PIXIES. A LOT of pixies. As many pixies as you've got. Pixies that he'll go back to work. Pixies that we'll stay on track. Pixies that this trip can still happen, because David wants it to happen, needs it to happen. But most of all, pixies that his doctors and his therapist can find a way to help him. Because I can't imagine my life without this man. We've been together since we were 14. I've built my entire life around him, counted on a future with him. I just can't lose him. I don't even know what that life would look like, and I refuse to think about it. So instead of thinking about it, I'm asking for pixies. And I know you guys'll come through with them.


I'm really sorry for this overshare. I'm sorry for being a downer. But I just...I feel like asking for pixies, for something like this, while being vague...I wanted everyone to know exactly what I was asking for. Because it just feels important.
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:34 PM   #37
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Jessie, you, the girls, and especially David are in my prayers.
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:56 PM   #38
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You're very brave, Jessie! I don't think the path to wellness is ever a straight line and it's rougher than you and David deserve to have to go through this. You can do it, though and are getting David all the help you can. : pixie: ixie:
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:03 PM   #39
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Great start! You all deserve this trip and I can't wait to read all of the details. Happy planning!!
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:22 PM   #40
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Thoughts and prayers are with you and David.
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:34 PM   #41
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Many prayers and for all of you. I hope you have someone supporting you as you take on this mask. You need somewhere to take the mask off. And not just with an online community (even one as supportive and fabulous as this one).
Good luck in the days ahead, Jess.
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Old 09-13-2015, 09:54 PM   #42
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Jessie, you, the girls, and especially David are in my prayers.

Thank you so much, Cam.

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You're very brave, Jessie! I don't think the path to wellness is ever a straight line and it's rougher than you and David deserve to have to go through this. You can do it, though and are getting David all the help you can. : pixie: ixie:

Thank you.

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Great start! You all deserve this trip and I can't wait to read all of the details. Happy planning!!

Thanks.

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Thoughts and prayers are with you and David.

Thank you very much.

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Many prayers and for all of you. I hope you have someone supporting you as you take on this mask. You need somewhere to take the mask off. And not just with an online community (even one as supportive and fabulous as this one).
Good luck in the days ahead, Jess.

I have two fabulous friends I've been in close contact with, one of whom lives two minutes away and has been my friend since fifth grade. They both know what's happening and have been very supportive and helpful in the last couple weeks. Thank you so much for knowing how important that is, and for the luck.
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Enjoying the magic!
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My Previous TripsWDW Pop Century 8Yr Wedding Anniversary/Daughter's Early BDay Celebration 2016, WDW Pop Century 5 Yr Wedding Anniversary/Daughter's Early BDay Celebration September 2013, WDW Pop Century 4 Yr Wedding Anniversary September 2012, WDW Pop Century 3 Yr Wedding Anniversary September 2011, WDW Pop Century 2 Yr Wedding Anniversary September 2010, WDW All Star Music Honeymoon March 2009, WDW The Cabins at Disney's Fort Wilderness Resort Feb. 1997
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Old 09-13-2015, 11:33 PM   #43
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Sending tons of pixies for you, David and the girls. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 09-14-2015, 09:07 AM   #44
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Sending prayers to your family.
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Old 09-14-2015, 09:29 AM   #45
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I have two fabulous friends I've been in close contact with, one of whom lives two minutes away and has been my friend since fifth grade. They both know what's happening and have been very supportive and helpful in the last couple weeks. Thank you so much for knowing how important that is, and for the luck.
I'm so relieved to hear that! Keep leaning on them, as you need that just as much as David needs you! (and I'm a clinical social worker by profession, so sometimes it's hard not to jump into that mode when reading something like your post. )
Prayers and still pouring your way!
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