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So, my aunt (the one whose husband had metastasized bile duct cancer and died unexpectedly the end of February and has her own health issues) fell last night and ended up needing firemen to get her up. (THANK YOU to all who work in emergency services) The result is that she's decided to sell her house and move in to assisted living. I have no idea how I feel about this and am having a hard time reconciling this aunt with the one from my childhood, teens and twenties and, heck, even my thirties. She'll be 68 on July 6th and is only 21 years older than I am (I'll be 47 on December 20th); so definitely not old. She's also the aunt I'm the most alike in looks, temperment and personality and have been closest to for many years.
It's hard to see those we love become frail and have health issues. Best wishes to you and your aunt; I always hear about folks who move into assisted living say they wish they'd done it much earlier. So I hope it's a good move for your aunt.
I am almost 66 and had major health issues 5 years ago (3 months hospitalized). I do not feel old and work full time plus after a year off for my illness. I have recently decided to relocate to be near my older son, 1900 miles from the area I love. This is in part to free my DD up from feeling she needs to be close to me in case I get sick again. I am completely recovered but will always be at risk.
It sounds like your aunt made the right decision for her. No one wants to need help and more importantly, have to struggle to get it. Seriously, I have a friend who is to come to my house and make sure I am alive if she doesn't hear from me for a few days.
It may be hard for you now but it sounds like you are taking care of your self so accept that when you decide to give up living alone may be a lot later than your aunt. Also assisted living is not a nursing home and many people enjoy it-lots to do and very convenient, especially if you decide to minimize driving.
Last edited by Huntermom; 05-31-2018 at 06:22 AM..
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I'm sorry you had a scare with your aunt. But, now you don't have to worry about her. She will be with people who will look out for her well-being. She will be with people like her and she can socialize more.
I get the feeling that you worry that this is your future because she is a lot like you, but it doesn't have to be that way. Everyone is different. You can vow to take care of yourself, eat well and exercise.
I hope your aunt enjoys her new place. Most people really enjoy these places.
I'm so sorry about your aunt. I suspect your feelings are something like "will I be like that at 68? You must remember that, despite your similarities, you are 2 different people. Just because your aunt has issues doesn't mean you will. I think that your aunt is simply looking at the big picture and is planning for the future. She may have been thinking about something like this for a while.
I bet it is relief for your Aunt.... and yeah I am so sorry for you because you spent so much time with her in her house. I have to give your Aunt alot of credit because she has decided this on her own. Hopefully you aren't thinking that you will wind up the same as well...because like someone else said you and your Aunt are 2 different people. 2 different generations.
I hope you & and your Aunt find peace... with this road ahead! I am also sorry about the loss of your Uncle.
My parents decided last year to sell their BIG house and move into a retirement community, where if something were to happen to them medically we kids would not have to worry! They have assisted living there as well. I have visited plenty times and it is very nice. My mother is 21 years older than me, but I do not see myself going that way....
Kate in PA All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them- Walt Disney
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Thanks everyone. It's definitely for the best and should make things easier on my mom. The fact that this comes three months after this aunt's husband died unexpectedly doesn't make it any easier. But, I think a large part of what's making this hard for me is that it's making the fact that at some point I'm going to be the oldest member of the family hit home. There's basically 17-19 years between me and my three cousins which makes our relationship more like that of aunt/nieces than cousins.
Many older people do much better at Assisted living or even just "a home". There are organized social activities and outings, a feeling of safety and community. Instead of thinking of it as your aunt doing something that older folks do, maybe you could think of it as moving to a community of similar people.