Gift Registry Vent About This Page:

[Teresa]

Okay, I can see the usefulness of gift registries. Cuts out any questions, makes returns unlikely, etc. One of my favorite nieces is expecting a baby in early June and we just got the invite to her shower (I can't go, I work the night before and the night of, but will still send a gift). Here's my issues though:
1. It just feels like a demand for items.
2. If I follow the registries, I don't get to look for "just that right gift".
3. There have been plenty of gifts I've received over the years I never asked for. For the most part, they've all been great - and often nothing I'd have thought of.
4. There is no surprise for the recipient. In this case, my niece can look up everything that's been purchased. She KNOWS she's going to be getting those items.

I understand, it's nice to know you'll get the things you want. But isn't it also nice to just get something you didn't even think about and it's a wonderful gift?

So, the question is: buy her only what's on her lists (things from very reasonably priced to "holy mother of God, what is she thinking?"), buy her what I want to - and darn it with the list, or a combination of both?
Oh - and the place she's registered is an hour drive from me, although they will ship for a fee.

[Pax]

In the case of a new baby, I think a gift registry is an excellent idea, because the new mother does NOT want to get six nearly-identical car seats.

Thus, the kind of things that should go on the registry, IMO, are those kind of essentials, that the family won't want lots of duplicates of.

There's also the case of, some of the gift-givers may have no idea what to give an expectant mother. When my sister had her baby, that was me: I'd never had reason to send a gift for a baby shower. So, her registry was very useful to me.

[Teresa]

Originally Posted by Pax

In the case of a new baby, I think a gift registry is an excellent idea, because the new mother does NOT want to get six nearly-identical car seats.

Thus, the kind of things that should go on the registry, IMO, are those kind of essentials, that the family won't want lots of duplicates of.

I agree with that. However, I always thought it was the parents' responsibility to buy the carseats, etc. Barring that, the grandparents' (who would hopefully be in contact with the parents and know what they wanted). Even so, knowing what larger ticket items might be wanted so you could contact others in the family and go together on one large gift might be nice. It's the other things that get me:
The gift registries that we've gotten in the last few years for weddings, baby showers, and graduation parties (yes, even high school grads are signing up for on-demand gift lists) included some very mundane things. Baby shampoo, diaper wipes, bibs, baby socks, (baby), a broom, wooden spoons, rubber spatulas (wedding), notecards, pens, notebook paper (grad - I guess preparing for college?)

[OneLittleSpark]

Originally Posted by Teresa

I agree with that. However, I always thought it was the parents' responsibility to buy the carseats, etc. Barring that, the grandparents' (who would hopefully be in contact with the parents and know what they wanted). Even so, knowing what larger ticket items might be wanted so you could contact others in the family and go together on one large gift might be nice. It's the other things that get me:
The gift registries that we've gotten in the last few years for weddings, baby showers, and graduation parties (yes, even high school grads are signing up for on-demand gift lists) included some very mundane things. Baby shampoo, diaper wipes, bibs, baby socks, (baby), a broom, wooden spoons, rubber spatulas (wedding), notecards, pens, notebook paper (grad - I guess preparing for college?)

I think people put mudane things on the registry in order for smaller ticket things to be on there. That way everyones price point is included. Imagine if the only things on the registry were big ticket items...that would look even worse than just having the registry itself.

To answer your question though, I just went through the same thing. I have a shower to go to myself in a few weeks, and there was a gift registry in the invitation. I went and looked at the stuff and there was nothing there that caught my eye. Also, being a mom myself, there are things that I feel are life savers when you're a new mom and of course, they weren't on the list.

I ended up buying what I wanted to give as a gift and that is what you should do as well. Whether the person on the registry agrees or not, I view registries as suggestions for gifts if you need them, but it's your choice to use them or not.

I ended up buying the Mickey onsie set with the personalized hat with ears online at the Disney Store. I couldn't resist. I also got an 18" Mickey stuffy to go with. I figured my little great nephew (wow, great nephew and I am so young!) will be Mickey and have a Mickey. Plus, what a better gift from his DIsney addicted aunty and uncle than Mickey stuff, including something he can keep forever.

[Ashli]

Personally, I like gift registries, especially if it's for someone that is not a super close friend or someone that I do not see often and do not know what they already have/do not have. Also, as Pax mentioned, I've never had a newborn baby, so I'd rather get the mother something she really needs and not just something I thought was cute but may not be as useful. Are there some people who are very close to me that I would still rather search out the "perfect" gift for even if it's not on their registry? Sure. And I do. But I think registries definitely have a place. Sometimes I wish my niece and nephew would register for Christmas as I'm not at their house super often to see what they already have and if I ask them what they want or are interested in, I am always met with a " I don't know."

[MelissaL]

I see no problem with giving a gift that is not on a registry if you know what the recipient would like. I was reluctant to do a wedding registry because I did feel like it was asking for gifts and asking people to get things we would otherwise get ourselves if we really needed. However, because many of our guests were out-of-town relatives and friends of our parents who didn't really know our taste, I ended up appreciating the registry because it allowed those people to get something that we would use. Some friends of my mother-in-law sent a serving platter not on our registry from a store where we had a registry. It was not to our taste at all -- I think it had an apple notice, but it really looked like worms.

When people who know us sent offregistry gifts, though, I really appreciated it because they chose items we wouldn't have thought to get ourselves. (A mail holder with our name on it was one of our favorites.)

Baby gifts are a bit different, because most people giving gifts either know the parents or know what babies need. The main advantage of a baby registry is avoiding duplication, and showing a theme for the nursery if there is one. Duplicates didn't bother me, though, because we went through multiples of almost everything anyhow.

So, there is no need to order off a registry if you are confident your gift will be appreciated, but there is also good reason for people to set up registries for use by people who want to give a gift but don't know what.

Melissa

[chezp]

The only time I've ever come across them over here is for weddings and I find them really helpful. Ours worked so well for me and I could find out who was buying what and I did. I noticed that someone bought us just about all the dinner set we wanted. We'd assumed people would buy little bits and when I found out what they'd done, I honestly cried, I was so overcome, so personally I don't have a problem with them. I'm going to ask my nephew, who's getting married in April, if he's doing one and I'll buy off it, as it makes my life a lot easier - I know I'm getting them something they genuinely want and will appreciate.

[GingerJ]

Registries are, indeed, useful, but here's the thing: They should not be included in the invitation! That's a gift grab .

Wedding invitations are sent to people whom you'd like to share your happy event with, and are not a summons to produce a gift, although most people do send a gift. The happy couple can make gift registries all day long, but they and their parents only mention them if others ask what they'd like.

Showers are a bit different, in that the whole purpose is to "shower" the new couple or expectant parents with items to help them set up their new household or outfit the new baby. But I still wouldn't include the registry in the invitation. Again, the person giving the shower should have that info and give it out to those who ask for it. You're not required to buy from it, though. As Spark said, veteran or recent Moms are likely to know of great items a first-time expectant Mom would never think of.

I definitely wouldn't drive an hour to the store to get the items (unless there was a neat scrapbook store nearby).

Good luck!

Ginger

[KMB733]

Personally, I would get a gift on the registry. Especially if she is a first time mom, these are things that she NEEDS because she doesn't have them. I know when my sister was pregnant and we threw her a shower not many people bought off the registry and she was was upset about it. She always said the registry was because these were the things she NEEDED and she ended up with a ton of clothes that my niece didn't even wear. Buy a gift your niece WANTS!

[KMB733]

Originally Posted by GingerJ

Registries are, indeed, useful, but here's the thing: They should not be included in the invitation! That's a gift grab .

It is actually customary now to include where the bride or mom to be is registered in an invitation. As some one who has thrown her fair number of showers in the past few years, I checked to make sure this was the right thing to do.

[JoanneS]

I think that if you really want to give someone something personal, like a hand-knitted baby blanket or sweater, then don't worry about the registry, but if you are looking for ideas, then definitely head to the registry. I don't think a registry should be used as a demand for "these and only these" gifts are welcome.

[GingerJ]

Wedding invitations and shower invitations are different things, when it comes to registries.

You definitely shouldn't include registries on wedding invitations:

Emily Post says: "But, there is no mention of gifts – not even “no gifts, please” – and never any mention of registry information on a wedding invitation. Information about registries is traditionally spread by word of mouth: The couple lets their close family and friends (usually the wedding party) know where they are registered, so that they can help answer questions from guests. As a guest, it’s okay to ask, even of the couple themselves."

Miss Manners & her daughter in Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding: “A gift is something that someone voluntarily does and chooses for you,” says co-author Jacobina Martin, daughter of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners. “When you’re just handing out a shopping list, you’re saying, ‘We don’t care what you think we like.’”

On showers, the "authorities" disagree a bit. Miss Manners (whom I adore) says: "The vulgar practice of recipients choosing their own presents --the gift registry-- is common, and, perhaps not coincidentally, these are apt to be serious purchases, judged competitively."

Emily Post, however, says "Gift registry information should not be included on the invitation itself, though enclosing it on a separate sheet of paper is fine."

I generally side with Miss Manners and would not include a registry. I'm surprised Emily Post says to go for it on showers...I guess you pick the "authority" you trust the most.

Both agree, however, that registries are not marching orders, and guests may feel free to give gifts not listed on the registries.

[jlhill4444]

Unless it is something that is very personal, such as a hand made item, I would go from registry. These are the things she has determined she needs and wants. I had a gift registry and so many people did not purchase from the registry, I really had to buy a lot of the items myself, while I ended up with so many outfits that he would never have to wear one twice before growing out of it. I also go so many blankets, bibs and burp clothes it was insane. At the very least, include a gift receipt if you do not use registry because she can take it back for something she really wants if necessary. There are many things as a parent I cannot live without, but I have to remember that each parent is different and what may work for you may not for her.

[Teresa]

Originally Posted by JoanneS

I don't think a registry should be used as a demand for "these and only these" gifts are welcome.

Maybe this is why I feel like I do about gift registries. It seems as if the events we've been asked to in the last few years have all included lists of "only these gifts are necessary". I'm not universally opposed to registries - and if I don't know the couple well, I'll ask if they're registered somewhere.

I'm going to buy what I want. I may include something from the registries (she's registered at 4 or 5 places!!), but the bulk of it will be things I want to give her baby.

[Pax]

There's nothing wrong with that, either. If you've got the insight and/or experience with weddings, babies, or whatever? Go off-Registry, dfinitely.